My Journal

I Did It!

2008-03-01T06:37:00.002-05:00

When I make commitments, I usually fall short. For some reason, I just can't follow through with my goals. I don't know if it's because I set my goals too high, or if I feel too much pressure and give up, or what. Normally when my original goal becomes difficult, I either lower my standards or give up entirely.

So, imagine my surprise when I made a goal to read the entire Book of Mormon in the month of February ~ and actually did it! I was reminded of a few things and inspired for my next goal (see below), but I am just as happy that I made a goal AND achieved it. While it's fine to shoot for the stars and hit the trees, sometimes it's nice to actually hit the mark.

Now don't get the wrong idea. I did not study the Book of Mormon in a month ~ I just read it...or listened to it. Still, that was my goal. I have been struggling with my personal scripture study and felt like this would be a good boost. Also, I wanted to honor President Hinckley's love of the Book of Mormon. He truly was a great man and prophet, inspiring me to reach for the Constant Star.

While February was a Fast and Furious Feast, I ended the month yearning for something deeper (and wanting to scratch my new itch for goal-achieving). So, I have amended my Spiritual Challenge. For the month of March, I plan to study the scriptures for at least a half hour every day. THIS WILL NOT BE EASY FOR ME. Apparently I not only have Scale Fear, but a Commitment Fear as well (and I've been married for how long??). It's okay to just do something, but to commit to do something is a whole other story.

Let's just hope this story has a happy ending.

Word Cloud

2008-02-27T11:11:00.004-05:00

I was a little skeptical of how my Word Cloud would turn out, but Becky's looked really cool so I thought I'd give it a whirl. To my surprise, I think mine reflects My Journal pretty accurately. My favorites are, "Free Fun Girls," "One Original Peanut," and "Think Throwdown Time." I also like "Healthy Home," which makes a great motto. Overall, they seem to summarize my life right now pretty well. Whoever wrote that program could really make some money as a psychiatrist, don't ya think?

Is My Husband Lucky or What?

2008-02-25T11:11:00.002-05:00

To me, luck is something you either have or you don't...and I don't. I used to play games and participate in raffles and all that, each time holding on less and less to the idea that I'd win, until finally, I just stopped.

Fortunately, I am married to someone who is lucky. If I'm the girl who never wins, he's the guy who always wins. Saturday was proof.

First, Brady takes the kids to a Convention Center for a Home Show his company is doing. While meandering through the rows and rows of booths, Brady notices one with a sign, "Free vacation." Never one to pass up something free, Brady stops. In order to win the vacation, you have to spin a giant wheel with all kinds of lame prizes in large triangles (like Wheel of Fortune), and the trip in 2 teeny, tiny slivers. What are the odds, right? Well, apparently not high enough because Brady won! It's a 2-night stay in some to-be-determined location, but still ~ it's better than the coupon I would have won for 10% off the As Seen on TV gadget for cleaning silver!

Not long after, Brady's trick-or-treating with the girls (that's what we call it when the girls collect candy from all the booths), when a man stops Brady. He asks Brady if he has kids and hands him this HUGE box of Black & Decker Construction Toys ~ like 100 pieces! The girls freak out 'cause it's like Christmas, but Brady says to wait until they get home to open it (he also told them I'd want to sell it on ebay or save it for someone's birthday ~ which is EXACTLY what I said).

Don't stop reading, yet ~ Brady's day gets even luckier!

We decided to go out for dinner as a family to a Sports Pub we had a coupon for (Brady's restaurant.com adventure). Just our luck, we are seated up front next to a lobster tank (probably in an attempt to keep us quiet). However, this is no ordinary lobster tank! It's like that arcade game where you use a giant claw to grab a stuffed animal and drop it down the chute, only with lobsters. The moment I realized it was a game was also the moment I knew Brady would be playing.

Early in our soon-to-be-eleven-year marriage I may have protested the use of money for such a gamble. But, time and time again I have been humbled at the ridiculous odds he overcomes to win these things. Those rare times he doesn't win, I think maybe he'll learn his lesson, but it's usually then that he wins an even BIGGER prize, and the momentum continues.

Needless to say, a very short while after arriving at the restaurant (we didn't even have our drinks yet), Shelley was petting the lobster that would soon be our appetizer for the evening. When a second lobster "moved into place," we almost had lobster for dessert, too, but I think even Brady was afraid to push his luck that far. Don't feel too bad, though. Something tells me Brady will be no stranger to that Pub (more specifically, the lobster tank).

A few years ago, Brady won one of those GIANT stuffed animals (I think it was a dolphin) from a Sea World arcade by knocking down all the stacked milk jugs with a baseball. After he did it once, he knew he could do it again...and again...and again...and again...as many times as he wanted, in fact. There was a 1-win-per-day maximum, so of course we had to make multiple trips. Once, we even "stopped in" just to win one, like picking up milk at a gas station on the way home from work.

He's also done weird things, like guess the EXACT circumference of my pregnant belly at Fred Meyer to win a Supersaucer for Kelsey. Or, win the BINGO jackpot on our cruise. Or, win almost half the raffle prizes at a golf tournament he didn't even pay to be in.

Or, my favorite, being lucky in love...he married me!

In no way am I a perfect wife ~ or even close (he'll be the first to agree, I am sure). BUT, I have come a long way in the last 11 years. I now wear makeup sometimes (hey, that's better than never), my wardrobe includes more than just baggy overalls (the bank account now suffers for that), I handle raw meat (although it's still a little gross), and I only burn an occasional meal (I can usually scrape off the black stuff before he even notices).

Now that's luck!

We Did It!

2008-02-17T21:33:00.005-05:00

Our FIRST 5k ~ together!

Come to think of it, this was the first time in our 26 years of sisterhood we even ran together (except when we were kids and I chased her out of our room)!

Although she and I have run several 5k's individually, this was the first time we came together for one ~ and I'm sure it won't be the last (you know it's true, Caroline!). She claims she's "not a runner", but she totally rocked the run ~ especially considering she's been doing mostly elliptical workouts, with a once-a-week run on my treadmill. Oh, and she had a baby almost 10 months ago and another one 16 months before that and got married 11 months before that and moved to Florida 2 months before that. Needless to say, she's been busy!

It's true I love running, but running with someone is all the more sweet ~ and sharing that with my sister was like the cherry on top! She's my best friend...I mean, she's gotta be. Who else could know me so well and still talk to me (or at least she pretends to listen anyway).

Having said that, she's in BIG Trouble ~ with a capital T! After all the yelling and motivating and butt-lectures I gave her while running ~ she's hardly sore!! "No, I can't go faster. This IS fast for me." Yeah, yeah. You got off easy THIS time, but next time if you're not sore I'm gonna kick your booty so hard it will be!

Speaking of next time...I found a race on March 22nd that WE'RE gonna do (I'm the big sister, I say what we do). She's gonna get a PR...

...and so am I. That's right, me too. I can't talk the talk, unless I walk the walk, right (or should I say run?)?

A couple of times during my Motivational Mumbles I found myself choking back tears. She set a goal, she worked at it, and she blew her training speed out of the water! I've never really pushed myself like that, but seeing Caroline yesterday inspired me. She stepped out of her comfort zone to reach for something she wanted. I want to do that, too...

...and I'm not waiting to start tomorrow.

The Human World

2008-02-06T19:39:00.000-05:00

...it's a mess! (Sebastian from The Little Mermaid)

Apparently, I am being welcomed into a new world I've never known. My sister-in-laws were surprised this week to see me in the Human World as I gained weight on the scale and struggled to re-gain control of my eating. What they don't know is I've been here all along, struggling with the rest of you.

Isn't it funny how we create these worlds for other people that seem to have everything, especially the things we don't?

I'm not overweight so surely I don't struggle with my weight, my body image, self-esteem, cravings, moodiness, impatience, and every other sign of The Fall. No, I float over that on my own little cloud.

One advantage to living far, far away from all your family is that you're like the Heirloom Fine China that gets taken out once a year (or less) ~ everyone talks about how lovely it is and feels special when they get to see it (okay, that may be an overstatement, but you get the point). When really, it's just another dish, with scratches and dents like the ones you use every day. People don't always recognize that, though, because they see them so little.

That's what I LOVE about this blog and My Food Journal. It will surely put to rest all the misconceptions about my life that are fabricated from being seen so rarely (this would also happen if more reunions were held in Florida ~ just a little more expensive :).

So, welcome me all you want. But, I've been here a while ladies ~ and I'm probably not going anywhere soon.

I Feel Like Crap

2008-02-06T07:12:00.000-05:00

I was up .4 yesterday and 2.6 today. That's 3 pounds since Monday's weigh-in...

...and I feel like crap.

Food Is NOT My Life

2008-02-05T09:01:00.000-05:00

So why was it taking up so much space in My Journal?

I'm still going to be accountable for what I eat and post my recipes, but just not here. Check out my new blog @ kariannsfoodjournal.blogspot.com, or just click here.

Now, on for the best news of all ~ I found a running buddy! I was up early this morning trying to muster the strength to run outside, when what do I hear...the pitter-patter of feet outside our study window (and going at a nice clip, I might add). It was a runner!! I hopped my shoes on and was out the door in 2 seconds flat!

She's someone I've known before (a former Dog Watcher) but she's recently lost 30 pounds by running and eating well. She runs 10-12 miles most days and makes me look much less like an amazon. While she's tiny (she's 5'1" and weighs 103 lbs), she's definitely got some kick ~ and she loves to talk! She runs from 5 -7am every morning and she's practically OCD about running ~ which makes her The Best Running Partner To Have!

I also saw Post-Surgery Girl, Sherry, from last year and had to explain my MIA status. Everyone agreed my life was a bit over the top for a while, but that it was good to have me back.

With My Food Journal in it's own space, it's nice to write about my real life again. It IS good to be back.

Food Journal: Day 13

2008-02-04T19:08:00.000-05:00

WW Cinnamon Sugar Toast: 150
Oatmeal/Cream of Wheat: 100 (for dipping)

Plums: 80
Crouching Chicken Leftovers: 300 (was only supposed to be half)

Super Chili: 160
Spaghetti Squash: 150

Cookie/Icing Tastes: 150 (new recipe ~ I had to;)
Roasted Squash Seeds: 20

Martha Stewart Sugar Cookies: 300
Martha Stewart Royal Icing: 100
Valentine M&M's: 100 (peanut & plain)
Marshmallows: 50

I think my menu speaks for itself ~ it was NOT a good day. I'd like to say it all started with those Banana Muffins yesterday (thanks again, Erin), but I can't. It all started with me.

The good news: I discovered Spaghetti Squash. I have never had it before and I LOVE IT. The best part is everyone else does, too. I served it with Super Chili (fortified with my usuals ~ shredded carrots, spinach, onions, and bell peppers) for an extra yummy meal. Even the seeds tasted good after we roasted them!

So why did I overeat? Well, my day was a little wacky and I didn't get around to lunch until almost 2 and by that time I had to hurry to pick the girls up from school. When we got home (and after we played outside for a while), we cut and baked the Martha Stewart Sugar Cookies (with Whole Wheat, of course) for Family Home Evening tonight. We also waited for Brady to eat, so dinner was later than normal, and the food was just soooo good.

After I licked everyone's plate, it was time for FHE. We read the poem from The Friend, Who I Really Am, and talked about what characteristics we have inherited, how we are unique, and how we can share our uniqueness with others.

The lesson was short then we quickly practiced our Article of Faith Songs because the girls knew what was coming: cookie decorating. We each decorated some cookies with our unique style using mini and regular marshmallows, Valentine Peanut and Plain M&M's, and colored sugar sprinkles. We plan to share them tomorrow with our neighbors and teachers ~ and hopefully they make it out the door because I ate them up tonight, totally blowing any control I had. Blast the baked goods!

I HAVE GOT TO STOP! If I had overeaten some great vegetable that's one thing, but almost half my calories were from cookies! Ugh....ugh...UGH. At least they were whole wheat, right?

Tomorrow I WILL EAT WELL.

Throwdown STATS: Week 2

2008-02-04T09:22:00.000-05:00

Current Weight: 142.8
Current BMI: 22.2

Throwdown Goal Loss (7%): 10.5
Throwdown Goal Weight: 139.3
Throwdown BMI: 21.7

Throwdown Pounds to Go: 3.5

Another week, another miracle!

Weighing more regularly (I can't quite remember every day yet), I see the little fluctuations and don't freak out as much. I no longer weigh myself after I run because I want to accept my true weight, and not just water loss. I'm really trying to overcome my scale phobia.

I've also had some great workouts this week. Thanks to Julie, I was inspired to rev up my pace on Saturday. I tend to coast through my workouts, so it was kinda fun to feel my heart beating a little faster. Zumba was fun, too, with my new sexy duds (which I still haven't returned to my sister).

My food was fun, too. Again, I let myself have the things I wanted, with moderation (except those blasted WW Banana Muffins ) and tried to make healthy choices. I like 250 calories per meal because I can be more flexible. If I make good choices, it's also enough to satisfy me.

This week, I'd like to:

1 ~ Continue to avoid nibbling. I did better this week, but it will be a weakness to monitor for a long time to come.

2 ~ Keep the exercise momentum. I'd like to keep challenging myself a couple times a week, instead of coasting through all my workouts. It's more fun, and good for me, too.

3 ~ Be more accurate in my calorie counting. I've started to guess a little too much and not as much true counting (especially when I'm nibbling or picking off someone else's plate). While I do make educated guesses, I'm occasionally surprised when I actually calculate it.

Overall, good week. I was pleasantly surprised by the loss, but I know it won't last forever, so I'll take it!

Food Journal: Day 12

2008-02-03T20:11:00.000-05:00

Apple: 80
Cheese Fondue Samples: 150

Veggies: 100
Dips: 250(Cheese Fondue, Hummus, Salsa)

WW Banana Muffins: 400 (thanks a lot, Erin)

It was Fast Sunday today, so I really wanted to skip my meals. As you can see, that didn't quite happen because I snacked more and overindulged in the meals I did eat.

For lunch, I made a HUGE platter of veggies (mushrooms, cucumbers, carrot, broccoli, and sweet peppers) and WW Bread Cubes that we dipped in Hummus, Cheese Fondue, and Brady's Salsa. It was fun putting together different combinations. My favorites were Sliced Cucumbers with Hummus and Salsa on top and Mushrooms stuffed with Salsa and drizzled with Cheese Fondue. Both have such great presentation they would make EXCELLENT hors d'oeuvres for any occasion. Genevieve made me so many I thought I was going to burst!

Still, the day was not lost. Later in the afternoon, the girls and I enjoyed making and eating Erin's Banana Muffins. We made minis and sprinkled Cinnamon-Sugar on top...mmmmm. Mine were especially sweet because I used 3 bananas and Granny Smith Applesauce. It didn't seem to matter that I used regular milk instead of buttermilk because we each had at least 4 muffins ~ and I had to freeze the rest...IMMEDIATELY!

I think this recipe was Erin's covert attempt to sabotage the Throwdown (and a successful one at that!). In retaliation, I may have to post my Coconut Brunch Bread recipe ~ as soon as I can move my Big Banana Bread Bum!

What I Think About

2008-02-03T16:39:00.000-05:00

I was completely inspired by Becky's post about what she thinks about BEFORE she indulges. So, here are the places I try to go when I need help stopping...

...tomorrow's run. Eating junk before a run does NOT feel good. It makes me feel sluggish, no matter what I weigh. When I fuel up well, I run well. I love the feeling of my body when it does exactly what I tell it to, which means very little involuntary jiggle (in case it's been a while, I use my very vivid imagination).

...my girls.

Like most teenagers, I had acne. It wasn't the worst I've ever seen, but I struggled with it well into adulthood. So, when Kelsey was blessed as a baby, I asked Brady to mention her skin. We settled for blessing her organs (after all, your skin is an organ). I think Brady was hoping that would make her tall, too. We want to give our girls everything we had ~ and everything we didn't.

With food it's the same. I used to tell the girls "just one" and then overindulge myself. I've learned that Mommy-Sizing and Special Mommy Food can only last so long. If I want them to grow up making healthy decisions, respecting their bodies, then I better do more than tell them ~ I need to show them.

...being touched. There's a sense of pride when I'm tickled or someone brushes against me ~ and it doesn't jiggle.

Even more, it's when Brady touches me...and his hand curves in only the right places.

I have a sign on my refrigerator that reads: The chief cause of failure and unhappiness in this life is trading that which we want the very most in life for that which we want at the moment.

So, when I take the time to think before I eat, I usually ask myself, Is this what I really want?

Some days it works, some days it doesn't ~ but I always know it's there.

Food Journal: Day 11

2008-02-02T18:38:00.000-05:00

Oatmeal: 250

Fruit: 80
Toad in the Hole: 200
Other Brunch Nibbles: 70

Black Bean and Salsa Salad: 220 (Brady's homemade)
Potato Skins: 30

Roller Rink Candy: 50 (Birthday Party fun)
Ice Cream: 20

Auntie Anne's Pretzel: 250 (Free Pretzel Day!)

I did it...well, almost. While I didn't stay within my calorie budget during the Primary Brunch, I didn't entirely give up. I was up early preparing (with Shelley), so I sipped an entire bowl of oatmeal BEFORE the brunch. I don't know if this helped or not, but I would have been really hungry had I not eaten.

Remember, if I skip a meal it's gone ~ I don't make it up later. While this works out well most days, some days it's really a challenge to eat. That sounds funny coming from me, but there are times that I'm quite busy and would much rather work than eat. The problems come when I'm ravenous later in the day (or even the next day) and eat all the saved up calories at once, which completely destroys my normal portion index.

I did, however, show incredible restraint at Auntie Anne's Pretzels today. It was Free Pretzel Day and, being the cheap folk we are, we HAD to go. Why, you ask? BECAUSE THEY WERE FREE! Passing up on free stuff takes a level of skill and self-control I have yet to master (someday, baby). I still cringe a bit when I throw away "perfectly good food" or pass by a "taster" at Costco or Sam's.

I stand firmly by the belief that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING IN LIFE IS FREE. Whoever said The Best Things In Life Are Free must have had a really long nose because it's a lie. Newton's Third Law of Motion clearly states that For Every Action, There Is An Equal And Opposite Reaction. For every free taster I enjoy happily in my mouth, I get an equal, yet opposite, unhappy reaction on my hips.

Still, some consequences are worth it. Like Free Cone Day at Ben and Jerry's. This day is like heaven. My first year, I was 9 months pregnant with Genevieve and I went twice (once with Kelsey and once with Brady) and only had like 5 cones. Now, we meet there multiple times during the day, stay for at least an hour, and go round-and-round trying all the new flavors, our favorites, and then some. I think I hold the record at our local shop ~ 14...18...22...I lose track (I'll have to actually count this year). Maybe I should start a Ben & Jerry's Calorie Savings Program. If I save 100 calories a day for the next 2 1/2 months, I may have enough for 14 cones (better make that 200 calories, just in case).

So, while today was not an absolute success (is there even such a thing?), it was a fine day. I indulged a little when I wanted, but didn't overindulge. Once again, thanks peeps.

Food Journal: Day 10

2008-02-01T08:21:00.000-05:00

Oatmeal Cookie-Cakes: 250
Syrup: 35 (Brady's homemade)

WW Bread Cubes: 125
Peanut Butter: 50
Apple: 30

Plums: 120
Norman Love Dark Chocolate Cake: 100

Potato Skins: 30
Fruit & Nut Raspberry Salad: 280

Popcorn: 220
Sugar Babies: 30

It was another good eating day. We spent our Family Date at Jason's Deli for some healthy eats and our Couple Date at the movies with popcorn and candy (27 Dresses, not the best). Kept it cool though...I'm still in the zone.

Tomorrow may be another story, though. I'm hosting a Primary Leadership Brunch at my house. I'm making Blender Pancakes, Oatmeal Cookie-Cakes, Ranch Potatoes, and Toad in the Holes. I'll also be offering an assortment of fresh and dried fruit, fresh OJ and milk, and an abundance of oatmeals and cereals. Our focus will be on Loving the Children (well it is February). We'll chat and eat, very informal.

I also had a great workout this afternoon, thanks to Julie. I tried to push it a little harder at the end of my run. It was a mid-distance run today so I didn't push too hard, but tomorrow will be a short-run so I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe, I'll go even faster. You know, slowing down is quite scary for me; it's like failing. Normally, I'd rather not try at all, than try and fail. However, while I'm in the spirit of overcoming my weaknesses, I may as well add mindless running to it.

Wish me luck...I'll need it.

Oatmeal Cookie-Cakes

2008-02-01T08:01:00.000-05:00

These were so yummy this morning I thought I'd share. They tasted like warm cookies right from the oven. Add some chocolate chips on top and your kids will hardly notice the difference. Cookies for breakfast ~ Thanks Mom!

Oatmeal Cookie-Cakes

1/3 c. WW Flour
2 c. Rolled Oats
2 t. Brown Sugar
2 1/2 t. Baking Powder
1 t. Salt
2 Eggs, divided
2 c. Milk
1 T. Butter, melted
Chocolate Chips/Raisins, on top

Preheat skillet to medium. Blend dry ingredients. Beat Egg Whites until stiff. Beat Yolks, Milk, and Butter in separate bowl. Combine Oat and Milk bowls. Fold in Egg Whites. Brush skillet with Butter (use the Butter wrapper or a paper towel brushed over butter). Cook 3 to 5 minutes until top has a few holes. Add Chocolate Chips/Raisins, if desired. Flip and brown the other side.

Nutrition Information:
16 pancakes, 1 each, 72 calories, 2g fat, 252mg sodium, 1g fiber, 3g protein, 3% VA, 1% VC, 8% calcium, 3% iron (without toppings).

Tips:
Add some wheat germ, flax, or a little peanut butter for more fiber. I use less toppings when I put them on top during cooking and I can more evenly distribute (that can sometimes be an issue) or make designs, like smiley faces or rainbows. 1 -3 chocolate chips is usually plenty for my kids. Or, I use sugar sprinkles for color. A banana slice "nose" is always tasty, but my kids don't go for that as much.

Crouching Chicken, Hidden Spinach

2008-01-31T20:06:00.000-05:00

I added a little punch to a Kraft Bruschetta recipe I found.

Crouching Chicken, Hidden Spinach

2 1/2 c. Chunky Spaghetti Sauce
1 pkg. Whole Wheat Stove Top Stuffing
4 cloves Garlic, minced (or more!)
1 1/2 lbs. Chicken, cut into small pieces
3 c. Spinach, torn or cut small
3/4 c. Shredded Carrots

Preheat oven to 400. Mix Sauce, Stuffing, and Garlic in bowl. Put Chicken in 9 X 13. Layer with Spinach, Carrots, then Stuffing. Bake 30 minutes.

Nutrition Information:
1/6 recipe. 300 calories, 1.7g fat, 3g fiber, 26g protein, 74% VA, 24% VC, 10% calcium, 19% iron.

Tips:
To make small cubes of Chicken, partially freeze before cutting (or partially defrost if frozen). I used Stove Top tonight (yes, I am human), but in the future I'll use cubed WW bread and some seasonings. In part because it's better for you (WAY less sodium), but also because I rarely have Stove Top (too much sodium, not enough of anything else).

The original recipe used a can of diced tomatoes (undrained) but I didn't have any so I improvised. Besides, Brady likes things juicy, not dry. The recipe also called for 1 cup of Mozzarella Cheese, but I put it all on the family's side because I prefer to use my calories elsewhere. I didn't notice much difference.

Genevieve is the only one who didn't eat it. She doesn't like any tomato products so I knew it was coming. She took one for the team tonight, but we're taking her out tomorrow (she says she wants Mac & Cheese:). Kelsey got invited to go see the new Hannah Montana movie with a friend, so we're taking the little girls on our Date Night.

Really we're taking them out before our Date Night, but they don't know that. It's my turn to pick our activity, so we're going to see a movie. I don't watch much TV, so I haven't seen all the new ads. Any suggestions?

Food Journal: Day 9

2008-01-31T18:18:00.000-05:00

Oatmeal: 250 (sipping style)

Pretzel Goldfish: 150
Peanut Butter Pond (for the fish!): 80

Mangoes: 250 (new to the dried fruit rotation)
Pistachios: 50

Salisbury Steak: 150
Plums: 80

Crouching Chicken, Hidden Spinach: 400
King-Size Spinach Bed w/Italian Dressing: 70

Thursdays and Sundays are my two most stressful days of the week. Thursday is Grocery Day (2 places) and the girls' activities: Kelsey - Irish dance, Genevieve - gymnastics, Shelley - driving me nuts (although that's really every day). Today, on top of my usual Thursday craziness, I added a dentist appointment ~ with Shelley ~ and 16 x-rays! Oh, and I was up at 5am with Shelley AND I took the girls to school (Brady had jury duty).

By the time we got home, I was exhausted. Although I had prepared dinner yesterday, it still needed to cook for 40 minutes. Shelley's mood was rapidly declining (she wanted to play outside with the girls and our neighbors, but I didn't), so I decided to feed her with the hopes of putting her to bed early. Instead, I fed myself. This was really bad because I had experimented with something new for my real dinner, so I knew I'd eat that, too.

In effect, the latter part of the day was quite a mess. My portion estimates were based on a collection of very faint memories of putting food in my mouth (ugh). The good news is I handled the stress much better than normal. I just couldn't quite hold back from scooping off the kids' plates and picking out of the dish tonight (hard habit to break, especially when the food is good). I thought the title of dinner was funny, but appropriate because of all the hidden nutrition.

Speaking of hidden nutrition, it's no secret I love leafy greens. I make these really big piles of them and put just about anything on top ~ or even eat them plain. I like cottage cheese on top of spinach, with chopped fresh fruit, sometimes nuts, and a sweet dressing. Lasagna, or other casseroles, are especially good, too. It adds a healthy bulk to most meals.

Overall, I survived my stressful Thursday ~ and even squeezed in a little fun. I added a new fruit (mangoes) to my rotation of dried fruit; Shelley and I shared pretzel Goldfish and some Peanut Butter with Flax and Oat Bran for lunch; and, thankfully, squeezed in an afternoon run for some much-needed sanity.

Aaaaaaahhh.

Food Journal: Day 8

2008-01-30T13:41:00.000-05:00

Cream of Wheat: 150
WW Toast: 100

Apple: 80
Peanut Butter: 50
Toast: 120

Dates: 120
Graham Crackers: 140
Milk: 15 (for dipping)

Veggies & Hummus: 250

WW Banana Bread: 50 (new recipe, NOT my favorite)
Popcorn: 200

Although I prepared dinner earlier today (it just needed to bake), Brady surprised us by bringing home leftover sandwiches from a work meeting. I fed those to the kids for dinner and I loaded up on veggies. The best part is that dinner is already done for tomorrow!

Move Over JT...

2008-01-30T13:30:00.000-05:00

...I'M Bringing Sexy Back!

While babysitting for Caroline and Gabriel' s Anniversary last night, I borrowed (is it borrowing if I never give it back?) some more appropriate exercise clothes for my Zumba class today. My sister has been a serious fitness junkie over the years and now I am reaping the benefits.

I wore a black exercise tank with black, boot-cut spandex pants and purple retro Skechers (also hers, but "borrowed" years ago). The tank is a first time-er for me because it has a built-in bra. I've been exercising while pregnant or nursing for so long I had forgotten what they normally look like. My usual TANK bra (I call it that because it has so many clasps and buttons) holds me in so tight, I can barely breathe, let alone make any sudden movements. I took a friend with me to class today, so I felt a little funny shimmying in front of someone I know. BUT, for those of you who know me, you know I'd shake it no matter what.

So, I was feelin' pretty hot after Zumba and came home to do my Pilates DVD (I really can't count shakin' flab as a workout until I get at least half the moves). My Pilates goal is to be able to do an Omelet Flip (don't worry, that's not official Pilates terminology). It's where you lie flat, with arms extended above your head, and, keeping your arms straight and back against the floor, fold yourself completely in half ~ like a perfect Omelet Flip. Go ahead and try it...I'll wait...

Not so easy, huh? Or maybe it is and I'm just especially Powerhouse-challenged. I really don't have THAT much belly flab, and there is something semi-not-soft underneath a layer of squish, but I just can't do the thing. Maybe it's my upperbody/lowerbody ratio. Or, maybe the weight of my hips and thighs are holding me back (or maybe it's my heavy brain ~ yeah, that's it).

Either way, it's gonna be a long time before this Omelet is done.

Green Fries

2008-01-30T11:12:00.000-05:00

We all love these babies!

Green Fries

2 lb. Green Beans, trimmed
2 T. Olive Oil
Garlic Powder, to taste
Salt, to taste (I use 1 t.)

Heat oven to 400. Toss all ingredients except salt in large bowl. Spread on baking sheet. Bake for 30 minutes, or until desired doneness (I like mine crunchy and sometimes a bit dark). Stir once or twice, if your remember. Add salt to taste.

Nutrition Information:
1/2 Recipe. 286 calories, 14g fat (the good kind), 1188mg salt, 15g fiber, 9g protein, 60% VA, 120% VC, 17% calcium, 26% iron.

Tips:
Sometimes I dip them in marinara (this is probably because I usually serve them as a side with pasta). Mostly, I just gobble them up ~ before the kids do!

Food Journal: Day 7

2008-01-29T16:05:00.000-05:00

Oatmeal: 250 (I like to sip it when it's hot after long runs)

Hot Ham & Green Lavash: 245

Green Fries: 250 (all I really wanted)
Salisbury Steak & Potato Pickins: 150 (BLAST the nibbles!)

Dates: 130
Popcorn: 125

Norman Love Chocolate: 50 (Banana Peanut Butter & Pink Lemonade)
Norman Love Cheesecake Pound Cake Nibble: 75

It was a delicious and healthy eating day today with almost no nibbling. I think I found the plan that will keep me healthy AND happy. I had a great run this morning, ending with 2 miles outside. I was freezing (it was probably 50-60 degrees), but it felt good to pound the pavement. I am always inspired when I run outside, something in the sunlight maybe.

A big THANKS goes out to Caroline for celebrating her 3-Year Wedding Anniversary with us this afternoon. The treats were delicious, but their best treats are their 2 kids ~ Fox (2) and Sienna (9 mos.). Here's to a few more (in the future, of course).

Hot Ham & Green Lavash

2008-01-29T11:50:00.000-05:00

Just so ya's know, I ain't no sissy eater! I just know how to cook in healthy bulk. Lunch today is a great example.

Hot Ham & Green Lavash

1 Joseph's Flax, Oat Bran & Whole Wheat Flour Lavash Bread, halved
3 slices Ham
1/2 Green Pepper, diced
1/2 c. Green Onions
3 c. Spinach
1 1/2 T. Lemon Garlic Splash

Preheat oven to 250. Cover baking sheet with a strip of foil. Place Lavash halves on foil. Put Ham slices on Lavash. Cook Peppers and Onions in skillet over medium heat until crisp tender (add water if needed). Add Spinach and Splash. Cover until wilted (2 min). Place 1/2 on each Lavash. Roll up. Cut each roll in half. Cook on foil-covered baking sheet until heated.

Nutrition Information: (you're gonna die! ~ actually, you're gonna LIVE!)
4 Pieces, 230 calories, 7.2g fat, 11g fiber, 21g protein, 233% VA, 382% VC, 22% calcium, 40% iron.

Tips:
The Lavash Bread is so good, and good for you. It's a healthy and versatile rectangle. I use it to make wraps and quick, thin crust pizzas mostly, but it could also be used to make some fine chips. The Flax really gives it a health punch. Four come in a pack and they're about $2.

The Splash is made by The Silver Palate. They have a bunch of healthy (non-chemical) dressings that I love. For only 25-30 calories per 2 tablespoons, they're worth an extra buck at the store (this is how I spend Brady's hard-earned money!).

So, before you wonder which health food store I shop at to get all these fine ingredients, I'll tell ya ~ Walmart (yeah, that's right, you've got no excuses now). I keep my shopping simple ~ I shop at Sam's or Costco and Walmart every 7-10 days, with an occasional trip to a "normal" grocery store (like every other month). I try to make only one trip to each to help our budget and my stress (I hate driving around, toting my kids to places they don't want to be or can't have fun).

Ok, so now I'm sounding a bit crazy, but let me assure you I'm quite normal (in my opinion:). Brady wonders sometimes why I don't take advantage of more coupons and advertised sales at various stores. Well, a few reasons. First, the coupons are mostly for junk. How often do you see coupons for $1 off carrots or broccoli? Second, I don't like driving around, wasting gas, going to this store and that because I spent all Sunday searching for deals in the newspaper. Instead, I justify this by regularly shopping at the least-expensive places I know (even though they're NOT my favorite), buying generic, and meal planning.

Meal planning is probably the single most important thing I do to save money. I plan 7 dinners (and sometimes breakfasts or other special occasions). I make a list and stick pretty much to it. I pack my kids' lunches (Kelsey loves, Genevieve deals) and only eat out for lunch when I'm with friends. Besides our Date Night, we don't usually plan to eat out.

While I do prefer to eat my food, I don't always feel like preparing it. I try to battle this by making dinner during the day. I use my Crock Pot for nights I know will be hectic, like when Kelsey and Genevieve have Irish dance and gymnastics. But mostly, I just make ahead, refrigerate, and bake when needed.

All right, all right ~ I DO sound a bit crazy. The bottom line is: Try the Lavash, it's good.

Throwdown STATS: Week 1

2008-01-28T20:42:00.000-05:00

Current Weight: 145.8
Current BMI: 22.7

Throwdown Goal Loss (7%): 10.5
Throwdown Goal Weight: 139.3
Throwdown BMI: 21.7

Throwdown Pounds to Go: 6.5

Aaahhh...the First-Week-of-Eating-Healthy-Weight-Loss ~ it was a much needed boost to my efforts.

It may seem like a drastic change since last week, but really it's not. Remember my mid-week hop on the scale a week-and-a-half ago? It was less than 2 pounds from today's weight. That's why after last week's disappointing jump on the scale, I decided I'd better weigh myself every day to better gauge my fluctuations. Believe me, no one was more frustrated by the scale than me last week. Still, a loss is a loss and I'll take it.

My goals this week are to:

1 ~ STOP nibbling (I think I can, I think I can...).

2 ~ Instead of 300 calories per meal, I'll try for 250. I'm just cutting it too close to the appropriate amount (or even above). I need to take a step back from the edge of the cliff before I fall off.

3 ~ Continue with my Exercise Plan. I still look retarded doing my Pilates DVD (a pic is not needed for proof, but may be funny to have -- for later, of course). I'm also gonna try to jazz up my Zumba attire this week to balance out my pasty white self.

And there ya's have it ~ my FOURTH post today...and now I'm going to be with my beloved husband because he called me a skinnie-minnie today. He deserves some extra lovin' for that one!

Mini-strone Soup & FHE Banana Cream Pies

2008-01-28T19:58:00.001-05:00

Check out the stats on this one! Created this tasty treat this morning in a flash and now it's gone...all gone!

Mini-strone Soup

4 c. Water
4 cubes Chicken Boullion
1 can (14.5 oz) Diced Tomatoes
12 oz. Chunky Spaghetti Sauce
4 c. Spinach, cut
1 c. Green Onions, chopped
1 c. Carrots, shredded
1 c. Celery, chopped
1 1/2 Potatoes, diced
1 can Beans (any will do)
Grated Parmesan Cheese, to taste

Prepare veggies and put everything in Crock-Pot for 6-8 hours on Low.
Serve with slices of Wheat Bread.

Nutrition Information:
2 CUPS, 120 cal, 1.6g fat, 5g fiber, 5g protein, 113% VA, 31% VC, 8% cal, 14% iron. WHOA!

Thought of this one just before serving ~ I meant to do that.

FHE Banana Cream Pies

2 Graham Crackers, squared
1 Banana, thick slices
1 1/3 c. Vanilla Pudding
1-2 t. Cocoa Powder, sprinkle

Place graham cracker on bottom of individual serving plates. Put bananas on top. Add pudding. Sprinkle with cocoa powder (or chocolate sauce). Banana slice to garnish.

Nutrition Information:
1 "slice", 135 cal, 1.8 g fat, 1g fiber, 2g protein, 1% VA, 4% VC, 5% cal, 2% iron.

Food Journal: Day 6

2008-01-28T19:52:00.000-05:00

Ham & Cheese Omelet: 175
WW Toast: 125

Apple, Spinach, & Cottage Cheese Salad: 270 (never tire of these babies)

Mini-strone Soup: 150 (recipe above -- GOTTA TRY)
WW garlic Bread: 250

Dates: 130 (still lovin')
Pistachios: 170
Soup Crackers: 20

FHE Banana Cream Pie: 150 (recipe above -- QUICK FIX)

Overall, it was an OK eating day. I'd still like the calories to be a little lower at this point, but I'm working on it. I did GREAT at nibbling today, which was my goal. I'm especially enjoying the process right now -- finding, creating, making, calculating. My family is, too.

I'm not craving food during the day AT ALL, which has also been wonderful. I had often read about this 5 meal thing, but never gave it any thought because I just "couldn't do that." The irony is that I can, and for me it's much more satisfying than fewer, bigger meals. The main issue is letting go of the traditional BIG dinner. For me, this was usually the biggest meal. In the evening, I tend to be more anxious and tired. Add hunger to that and it was a recipe for overeating. By eating a meal before, the bottomless hunger is gone. Now, I just have to figure out how to stop enjoying the TASTE so much, and eat what's appropriate!

President Hinckley: My Beloved Prophet

2008-01-28T08:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was our Southern States Stake Conference broadcast. President Monson presided and was the concluding speaker. His first comments were of President Hinckley and how he knew he would have loved to be there. Later, I commented on how tired President Monson looked.

This morning I found out why. Last night, President Hinckley passed away in his apartment, with his family at his bedside. It is no wonder President Monson seemed tired -- his heart was with his friend.

In 1995, the night before President Hinckley was sustained as Prophet, I spent the night on the sidewalk surrounding Temple Square with the hopes of being in the Tabernacle on that occasion. Although we froze and barely missed the general admission cutoff for the first General Conference session, I forged a special bond with President Hinckley that day as I stood to sustain him in that sacred calling.

While I never shook his hand, I have been in his presence several times and have witnessed his strong spirit. His energy rivaled that of my own, despite his almost 60 year seniority! I aspire to be like him, not only physically, but spiritually as well.

While I am sad in his passing, I know that his reunion was a sweet one. The years without his eternal companion and lifetime partner, Marjorie, have been lonely I am sure. A love like theirs is also an aspiration of mine.

Thank you, President Hinckley, for sharing your life with me.

BEST EVER WHOLE WHEAT BREAD

2008-01-27T22:01:00.001-05:00

I just calculated the nutrition information for my Best Ever Whole Wheat Bread. I was pleasantly surprised that it was much better than I thought! Take a look and give it a try.

BEST EVER WHOLE WHEAT BREAD

Mix:
5 1/2 c. Water
3/4 c. Oil
3/4 c. Honey
2 1/2 T. Yeast
7 c. Wheat Flour

Add:
1 1/2 T. Salt
5 - 8 c. Wheat Flour

Knead 10 minutes. Spray 4 loaf pans. Divide dough into 4 loaves. Put in pans. Cover with damp towel. Let rise 25 minutes. Place pans in cold oven. Turn to 350. Bake 35-40 minutes.

Nutrition Information:
4 Loaves, 16 slices/loaf. 125 cal, 3g fat, 166mg sodium, 3g fiber, 3g protein, 5% iron.

Tips:
Sometimes I let the yeast sit before adding flour (I think this helps, but maybe not). I like softer crust, so I cool the bread on towels (for crispier crust, cool on racks). I wrap my bread tightly in bags to store (I think this keeps it more moist, but maybe not). I use it or freeze it (pre-sliced) right away. Baking or toasting to defrost slices maintains more of its original texture.

This is by far the least complicated 100% Whole Wheat Bread I have ever made, hands down (it's reminiscent of Great Harvest for me). I've added potato flakes, eggs, gluten, etc. but nothing beats the simplicity/taste of this one. Compare it and let me know if you've got a better one.

Oh, and thanks, Angie, for the recipe many loaves ago...

Gone With The Wind

2008-01-27T19:46:00.000-05:00

There must have been a gusty wind today because it seems that all my good intentions were blown away (apparently they were pretty light). Today was my first time as party host since starting my new plan -- and I bombed! As it is, Sundays are especially difficult because church is in the middle of the day and our meal times get all wacked. Still, I really tried to make healthy choices (I didn't even lick the German Chocolate frosting), but the tragedy is I made too many healthy choices, if you know what I mean.

For me, I have even BIGGER problems after the party. Subconsciously, I think parties stress me out -- all the temptations and choices. So it's after the party, when everyone is gone, that I usually give in to the first temptation that comes my way.

Tonight, the temptation was Hot Ham & Cheese Sandwiches. I figured I'd make 4 sandwiches, for "Brady and the girls," and that I'd just scrounge for crusts (my favorite part anyway). Instead, Brady didn't want any and Genevieve wanted Plain Toast With Cinnamon Sugar. So, I let myself "just have a nibble"...and then another...and another...and before I knew it I was telling the girls there were no more -- the reason I made them in the first place!

In my Ideal Weight World, I should have asked who wanted one FIRST and only make that amount. Or, I could have saved the unwanted sandwiches for tomorrow's lunches. Or, I could have made a less tasty snack. Or, I could have just said no to the late evening snack (probably my best option).

Instead of ending my week with a bang, I got a bomb. Now, I'll just have to head back to Tara because...tomorrow is another day (insert theme music from Gone With The Wind and imagine me holding a carrot in a field).

Strawberry Mini Wheats & Milk: 300

Veggies & Hummus: 350

Potluck & Turkey Tasters: 350

More Tasters: 200
Strawberries: 20

Ham & Cheese Bomb: 650

Note: All calculations made today were pulled out of my bum, so read with caution (and maybe a clothespin!).

Food Journal: Day 5 & MY NEWEST CHALLENGE

2008-01-26T21:05:00.001-05:00

Whole Wheat Apple Crisp: 300 (leftovers were calling me)

Japanese Veggies & Rice: 200 (gotta love leftovers)
W.W. Peanut Butter Sandwich Crusts: 100

Spinach & Cottage Cheese Salad: 200
Carrots: 50
Sweet Potato & Potato Skins: 150 (my favorite parts)

Pistachios: 180
Chopped Dates: 120 (they're sugared and they melt in my mouth!)

Chopped Dates: 50 (I just couldn't resist)

I feel good about today. I really like my 5 meal system. I almost have to force myself to eat sometimes so I don't miss a meal. By habit, I'm a light snacker (as you can tell) and a heavy mealer. With my new plan, I'm eating all day so I don't get sudden overwhelming urges to eat. It's kinda nice, but I know it won't last forever. One day at a time, right?

It's Stake Conference tomorrow and we're having some people over after for lunch. We're providing a turkey (Brady's specialty) and everyone else is bring whatever sounded good to them. I've heard Scalloped Potatoes, Cornbread Casserole, Cinnabon Streusel, and German Chocolate Cake so far. I'm making some hummus and veggies, of course. Compared to the other options, I may be the only one eating the hummus, which doesn't bother me one bit (that just means a few days of tasty lunches for me!).

In more weightier matters (pun intended), I've been weighing myself everyday. Last week, I tried one mid-week hop on the scale to test the waters. It went well, so I decided to give this everyday thing a try (although I did miss a day because I just don't have the habit yet). So far, I like it, but that's probably because it's going down.

On the flip side, I'm feeling quite up. My normal life (without our house on the market or graduate school) has been refreshing. I find myself looking forward to the day, not dreading or worrying about all I have to do. Still, with all this time on my hands, what a great opportunity for...

MY NEWEST CHALLENGE. I was inspired by this post to not only kick start my physical habits, but my spiritual habits as well. In February, the Month of Love, I am going to show my love for the Savior by reading the entire Book of Mormon in my personal scripture study. With 531 pages that's only 19 pages a day! (Thanks to Leap Year, there's even one extra day!).

I don't need to sweet-talk anyone into this one -- we all know the benefits far outweigh the sacrifice. Whadouyasay...any takers for MY NEWEST CHALLENGE?

Food Journal: Day 4

2008-01-25T23:27:00.000-05:00

Maple Syrup Blender Pancakes: 285 (healthy, yummy, AND easy!)

My Best & Easiest Whole Wheat Bread EVER!: 225
Beef, Beans, & Hidden Veggies Chili: 100

Peanut Butter Sandwich Crusts: 200 (blasted nibbles!)

Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Shake: 50
Apple: 80
Whole Wheat Apple Crisp: 120

Japanese Steakhouse Date Food: 600-700!!

Uh, as you can see Brady won the Date Activity tonight. I really wasn't hungry (I had already had dessert for heaven's sake), but I thought I'd take one for the team this week, since I made him go through the drive-thru last weekend (thanks, Brady).

To my credit, I made the best of the situation without being freakish. As a cook, it hurts my feelings when people don't at least try the food I make. So, when the chef prepares my meal directly in front of me while making flaming onion volcanoes and pulling chickens out of his hat, I thought I'd at least take a sample.

Overall, today was fine -- not bad, but not great. I also survived making my Best Whole Wheat Bread batch today with only a few scrapes. For this, I credit you -- my fellow Blog Buds. Even if no one makes a comment, or even reads my entries, I know it's out there in the wide open internet world. Thanks for keeping me out of trouble today.

Tomorrow -- same time, same place...I'll be here.

Food Journal: Day 3

2008-01-24T13:34:00.001-05:00

Toad in the Hole: 300 (so yummy!)
Oatmeal: 50 (I just couldn't resist the leftovers)

Spinach & Cottage Cheese Salad: 310

Sweet Veggies & Roast: 400 (I cleaned my plate AND the kids')

Banana: 20 (nibbles while making frozen slices)
Popcorn: 100
Yogurt: 50 (nibbles of Shelley's new flavor:Cranberry Raspberry...yum)

Apple Pie & Ice Cream: 50 (grocery store taster)
Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie: 100 (gourmet cookie shop taster)
Lunch Box Nibbles: 20 (nibbles while packing lunches)

Today was filled with such yummy food! My nibbling calories sure did add up, but overall not bad. All my main meals were over 300, mostly due to nibbling (notice all my explanations). I'm liking the 5-Meal Plan, though, but I want to keep my total intake closer to 1200 rather than 1500. Tomorrow will be difficult because it's Date Night. I've been trying to convince Brady to see 27 Dresses or Juno instead of going out to eat -- not an easy task. (Although...just between you and me...Brady does enjoy a good Chick Flick every now and then ;)

Food Journal: Day 2

2008-01-23T20:25:00.000-05:00

Oatmeal: 120
Cream of Wheat: 100
Apple: 80

Missed Lunch (Visiting Teaching)

Best Darn Black Beans: 350
Lettuce: 20

Popcorn: 180
Green Pepper: 30

Nibbles: 150
Graham Crackers: 90

I Am Soooo White!

2008-01-23T12:13:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't figured this out yet, I kinda like to do things myself -- take care of my kids, make dinners, etc. For this reason, I am very guarded about who watches my children. When Brady and I go out, I always put my babies to bed first (one nice thing about early bed times) and I only use a very short list of sitters (maybe 2 or 3 in 6 years). My children have virtually never seen the inside of any child care facility. When Kelsey was almost two she went to the gym child care a few times a week, but only because my running partner (and Primary President) worked there. Otherwise, it's Caroline (my sister) or Brady.

So when I decided to try out a Zumba class at the YMCA, I made sure someone I knew would be there to take care of Shelley. My long-time friend, and overall one of the most awesome people that I know, Ofa, just happens to work on Wednesday mornings from 8 -12, during the 8 o'clock Zumba class. Although Shelley cried a bit today while I was away, she made it through without any serious emotional trauma (or at least she didn't tell me about any:) so I decided to give the class a go...

AND I LOVE IT!

I showed up wearing my usual running gear and felt quickly out of place when the instructor arrived wearing some cute, and very tight, black capris and a floral tank -- along with a rockin' body (which gave immediate encouragement -- no wonder infomercials work). As for my moves, I had no idea what I was doing half the time and the times that I did were worse than the "bad" auditions on So You Think You Can Dance. I tried to do salsa, some meringue, hip-hop, and a few other things I can't pronounce or didn't hear because I was too busy concentrating.

I don't know about any physical fitness from today's attempt at dancing, but shakin' my hips and swinging my booty (in whatever direction) sure did my soul some good.

Food Journal: Day 1

2008-01-22T21:24:00.000-05:00

Oatmeal: 100 (Shelley's leftovers)
Pistachios: 170 (on the way to the library)
Oyster Crackers: 30 (shared with Shelley -- she likes to share)

Broccoli: 60
Black Bean Hummus: 250 (the last of it;(

Chicken Manicotti: 200 (interesting recipe)
Asparagus: 100 (yum)

Apple: 100
Popcorn: 200
Peanut Butter Sandwich Nibble: 20

Cold Stone Peanut Butter Ice Cream: 100 (post-presidency meeting treat!)

There were a few other nibbles, but overall a great day for me. Too bad they all can't be like this.

The Truth Is...

2008-01-22T08:12:00.000-05:00

...I don't want to win.

Last year, I started a weight loss group, Girls With Goals (aka, GG's). At the end of a 12-week program I had lost the most weight, with 132 pounds my lowest weigh-in. I was $250 richer, but it didn't matter because the money didn't last long (not when you're paying bills, anyway) and neither did the weight loss.

As most of you know, March was the start of our financial crunch, followed by 6 months of daily, intense cleaning to keep our house suitable for sale (everyone knows how much I HATE cleaning my house!), and my application and admission to graduate school, etc. I handled the stress well in most areas -- I still did my callings, made homemade meals, stayed on a tight budget, packed lunches, threw baby showers, organized play groups, and was almost mostly (ok, sometimes) nice to my family.

The only area that really gave was me. I had virtually NO time to take care of myself, even to sit down. It seemed that if I sat down for one second I would fall behind in one way or another and lose even more of my precious time. Did I have to eat myself into so much weight gain? No. But did I chose that over Plan B? Yes.

The result was humiliating. I gained back all the weight I had lost and more I am sure. I stopped caring after a while. It was like wearing a fat suit. Just having the courage to do regular things like attend church, go to the park, see my friends took more courage than I knew I even had. Still, just because I have it in me, doesn't mean I EVER want to do that again.

I know people think that because I gained the weight back so quickly that what I was doing to lose the weight was drastic. Quite the opposite actually. What I did AFTER I lost the weight was WAY more drastic than what I did to lose it. I was overeating every day and every night -- every time I opened my mouth I would binge. I was trying to feel happiness because my life was so stressful. And the saddest thing (that we all know) is that it didn't even work.

So what do I want out of this Throwdown? I want to lose weight, duh -- and keep it off. My starting weight, your starting weight, the date we officially start, it's all secondary to my goal to just lose the freakin' weight, for good this time. Our little friends from High School Musical said it well, We're All In This Together.

Who's kickin' who's butt is not as important as what our butts look like anyway.

Throwdown The Weight Contest

2008-01-20T21:53:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I think I'm ready to make some changes to get what I want. And just for the record, here's what I want:

...to be healthy.

Yes, according to my BMI I am healthy, but what you don't know is that I binge, even at this weight, which is not good. I can eat entire large pizzas, half gallons of ice cream, whole loaves of bread, and other monstrosities -- sometimes all at once, sometimes in a few hours. Fortunately, I am blessed with an amazing metabolism and great genes (thanks, once again, mom and dad). Unfortunately, this makes my secret (and sadness) easier to hide. Basically, I have a healthy weight, with secrets that I no longer want to have.

...to be wealthy.

To help reach my first goal, I've enlisted the help of the Original Parker Sisters ~ Julie, Alisa, and Erin. They are so inspiring, each of them for different reasons. I created a Throwdown The Weight Contest where we are each going to lose 7% of our body weight (around 10 pounds). The first person to do this, and maintain it for two weeks (our Maintenance Clause), will get what's in our Weight Loss Pot. We've all contributed things like a $25 Outback Steakhouse gift card, $20 in movie bucks, a $25 gift card to Target or GAP, and a Amex card for a haircut or some other pampering. Sounds cool, huh?

...to be wise.

In the end, I want to be able to make good choices and overcome my scale phobia. At a healthy BMI, does the number really matter to me? I'm about to find out as I start my quest to be 130 (I'm really starting this time).

This week, I am actually going to count my caloric intake. Why? Because people should know these things, at least generally. I don't mean become obsessed, but it's a part of taking care of our bodies whether we admit it or not. To lessen the stress of counting all day, I've devised a scheme to trick myself into counting without an all-day worry.

My new plan is to keep each meal around 300 calories and the same for any snacking in between meals. All I have to do is calculate at each meal (instead of all day) and keep a rough estimate the two times I snack during the day -- usually between lunch and dinner and after dinner. If I skip a meal, I'll just keep on going like normal, instead of "making up" the calories later. This will help me with portion control and it will also keep me from juggling long lists of numbers in my head or on some paper I always lose and rarely have with me. Although it has been a long time since I've taken a math class (and Adam knows just how long, too!), I think I can still count to 300!

I may start blogging my daily menu, too. In part because I need to be accountable for it; and, in part because I think what I eat can be interesting sometimes. Maybe just for a week...I can do anything for a week, right?

As for exercise, I'm running, doing my Pilates once a week, and desperately trying to take a Zumba class at the YMCA I can never seem to get to. (Zumba is a Latin cardio/dance class). I try to do 5 days/week of running -- one long, one medium, and 2 short runs. I've been experimenting with my treadmill's incline a little (I'm trying to keep the bump I found on my back after a month of doing hills at my parent's house). This week may be the start of long runs outside because I've maxed out my treadmill limit, so that could be an adventure.

My stats are a little more than I wanted, but certainly what I deserve for not being serious -- although, it makes for a great Throwdown start for me :).

Current Weight: 149.8
Current BMI: 23.3

Throwdown Goal Loss (7%): 10.5
Throwdown Goal Weight: 139.3
Throwdown BMI: 21.7

So bring it on, ladies 'cause I'm about to throw you down, take your money, and run (if I still can after losing soooooooo much weight)! HEHE!

Pop On!

2008-01-18T10:23:00.000-05:00

I'm not a Fat-Free-Sugar-Free-junkie for more than one reason. First, it's usually more expensive than the real stuff. Second, it's not good for you. Who wants to give their kids something they can't even pronounce, let alone an entire list of non-pronounceable things? If I wouldn't feed it to my toddler, I try not to buy it.

I say try because I have two things I keep for moments of desperation (usually at night) when I feel myself going over the edge of food control: diet soda and Jell-O. I hate that I use these things sometimes, but they sure have saved my butt (literally). I want to stop and I will someday...but probably not today. I don't want that junk clouding my kids' brains when they're trying to learn and grow, and I don't like having special Mommy Food. It's like doing fun things after your kids are in bed -- it's fine when they're younger, but the day they discover you ordering pizza, inviting friends over, and playing games after they're in bed it's all over.

While exploring my new Inspiration blog, I may have stumbled upon a healthy craving fix. It's not calorie-free (although nothing is really without consequences), but it is WAY better than diet soda or Jell-O. It's microwave popcorn!! No, I'm not talking about the stuff that comes chemically processed in a cellophane bag ~ I'm talking whole grain, all-natural, food storage popcorn!

I know there are many healthy ways to pop popcorn. I have a Whirly Pop and my mom had an air popper. But, if you know me, you know that I am an appliance minimalist. If I collected all the gadgets and gizmos As Seen On TV, where would I put the food!

Of course I immediately tried it out and...it worked! Since then I'm popping non-stop ~ really! Someone should probably stop me before my house overflows with popcorn! Can you tell how excited I am? Just look at how many exclamation points I have used in this post. I rarely use them and now they're all over the place!

Now, brace yourself. This is not the most delicious popcorn you have ever tasted (Brady's gooey caramel popcorn is the best, but you'd hate me if I posted that recipe!). BUT, it is healthy (my favorite), fast (the kids' favorite), and cheap (Brady's favorite) -- a real family pleaser!

So, here it is:

Put a few handfuls of popcorn in a brown lunch bag.
Fold it down a few times.
Place in microwave and...POP!

There are a few little things you can do, like season it or whatever. But, I'll let you figure that out as you explore THE BEST SNACK EVER!

Pop on, my friends. Pop on.

How Do I Look?

2008-01-15T20:41:00.000-05:00

Alisa reminded me about something I tried to do a while back. Now that we have a faster internet connection, I can finally post my pics. (Sorry the Before Pic is so bad. Genevieve's quick snap of me was my only clear head shot).

So, which should I be -- Cameron, Jessica, Olsen, or Paltrow?

Or, try it for yourself.

I Didn't Deserve It...PERIOD

2008-01-15T10:06:00.000-05:00

Note: Contains discussion of feminine issues.

So, this past week did NOT go well. While I exercised, the only calories I counted were guesstimates and not recorded anywhere but my fuzzy head. Sunday's Ward Potluck, Monday's Family Home Evening Treats, and this morning's hangover eating didn't help much, either. Needless to say, my eating has been less than stellar.

To make matters worse, I started my pseudo-period on Sunday. After having a baby it usually takes about a year-and-a-half before I have a period and even then it's irregular and light for a while. Lucky, I know (except when I want to be pregnant). With Kelsey I worried all the time that I was pregnant, with Genevieve I worried less, and with Shelley I've been enjoying it entirely. I've probably had less than 20 cycles since getting married almost 11 years ago. It's a good thing, too, because I make a VERY cranky PMS-er. Still, it sure does make getting pregnant a whole lot easier ;)

While this explains the weekend cravings, it does not excuse them. AND, it lead to Monday Munching Madness and already Totally Terrible Tuesday. I've eaten everything in our house and have tried to lay Shelley down for a nap three times so I can exercise (or so I say), but to no avail.

I want to quit. I want to give in. Actually, it's too late -- I already have.

So, now what?

Well, I need to write down what I eat, at least for a while. I don't know if this will be a lifetime practice, but it is essential for me to reach my goals. I need to detox for the rest of today and tomorrow. Most importantly, I need to relax. If I have one good day of eating, I usually feel better. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this (instead of clicking my heels three times, I'm smacking my lips...where's Glinda when I need her?).

As for my weigh-in, I really didn't deserve the number. I waited until after I exercised because I just couldn't face the scale. After the feeding frenzy of yesterday and today, next week will be harsh without better eating the rest of the week. Anyway, here it is:

Current Weight: 148.0
Current BMI: 23.0

PS Sorry about the delay in posting ~ Brady did our taxes last night. Go Brady!

A Date With Ice Cream On Top

2008-01-11T23:05:00.000-05:00

...and I'm not talking about the fruit! Brady and I went on a date tonight, which we haven't done in a while.

Now, when I say a while, I mean a few weeks before our vacation. I am one of those girls who likes to be taken out -- and regularly. It doesn't have to be expensive, it just has to happen. After I have a baby, there's a small window where we can't go out for a few months, so we counter this by stocking up at the end of my pregnancies. Once the baby is on a good nighttime schedule, we hit the town. I just love being with my husband in that way. I also enjoy the time to be Me - Kids. Me - Kids still = Me, just another side. I get to walk slower, think more, and EAT SLOWLY! Love it.

Tonight I was a little nervous about going out to dinner, so I persuaded Brady to just take me to a movie instead. I had been at the park all afternoon with friends and we even ate dinner there. We planned ahead and all brought food to share so when we went home it would just be get-ready-for-bed time. Aaaah.

I made some calzones with white/wheat dough, cottage cheese, mozzarella cheese, mushrooms, and olives (I'm still trying to use up the giant box of mushrooms I bought from Sam's Club this week, can you tell?). I love making fresh bread and I have a super easy recipe for pizza dough (thanks, April). Now that I have a Kitchen Aid, too, (thanks, Tara) this process is much easier and surprisingly still enjoyable. After years of hand mixing and kneading, my wrists were getting quite sore, but nothing could stop me from my sweet bread (Alisa, I have come a LONG way since our college Great Harvest Honey Whole Wheat experimentations).

The good news is, the calzones were great, especially dipped in my favorite chunky marinara. Even though Brady gripped a bit about the cottage cheese instead of ricotta, he still ate two and seemed satisfied. Maybe I'll try pureeing it next time to get a less chunky texture. The bad news, I think I ate 3. I say "think" because with so many nibbles, who really knows the exact amount.

So, when Brady mentioned dinner AND a movie (which usually means dessert, too) I was a little hesitant. He understood, so we skipped dinner and just went to see National Treasure 2. (If you've seen the first, you've seen the second. I do think the movie is well-made and entertaining, though).

And, no, I did not have movie popcorn. I am one of those people who smuggles food into the theater. I think I'd probably pay the ridiculous prices if they just had what I wanted -- 94% fat free popcorn. Instead, I pre-popped my own bag. I have no shame when it comes to health -- really, I don't.

After the movie, instead of Cold Stone (please refer to prior posts about my love for that stuff), we opted to share a large White Chocolate Mousse/Peanut Butter swirl cup at TCBY. The employee was so nice, even though we came in 15 minutes before close. He let me sample as much as I wanted, answered all my questions, showed me the nutrition information, and even weighed our ice cream on the electric scale. While licking it up, Brady and I spent about 10 minutes in the car looking up gram to ounce conversions on his Blackberry to calculate the exact amount of calories in our treat. Oh, the things you do without kids!

While I am not entirely happy with the day, it could have been much worse. I did not eat ALL the dough or the calzones; I brought my own popcorn to a movie; and, I shared a treat with my husband. What a guy!

Speaking of great guys, mine just got even better -- he agreed to run a 5k race with me in February!! I could not be more excited if I were given a new outfit from Banana (although I'd like to test that theory). Even more, my sister's gonna run it, too! I'm all for this one because she babysits my kids while she trains. Tonight, she ran 2 miles on my treadmill while babysitting during our date. And she wants to make this a regular thing...uh, sure!

Tomorrow, I am completing the unpacking process. Although I tried to resist accepting reality, my Vacation Continuation officially ended today when I cleaned the house. While I didn't get everything done, it was still a strong effort, definitely NOT vacation quality. So, tomorrow I'll unpack the girls' suitcases, put away three baskets of laundry, transfer all of Shelley's clothes to her new room, put away her 12-18 month clothes, bring out her 18-24 month bin, organize their new toys, go to a YMCA open house, drive Kelsey and a friend to another friend's house to go to the circus, stop at the church to grind some wheat, make four loaves of wheat bread for a pot luck, and I'll plan the combined Sharing Time/Singing Time activity for Sunday.

Yeah, vacation's definitely over.

Leftover Dinner Omelet

2008-01-09T12:32:00.001-05:00

Disclaimer: I am NOT an experienced cook and I like to make things up. The combination can sometimes be disastrous and can definitely be improved. Suggestions are welcome.

For dinner last night we had potato buildups. I don't know if I made that word up or what, but they're basically potatoes with anything piled on top. Last night we used shredded sharp cheddar cheese, chopped green onions, and a bit of sour cream. When Brady came home he wasn't very hungry (late lunch out), so he just ate his carrots and grapes. This left two potatoes, shredded cheese, and chopped green onions unused.

Not wanting to waste food (a trait I sometimes wish I didn't have), I decided to use the leftovers to make a breakfast omelet. The result was cheap, fast, and tasty (my favorite combination), so I thought I'd share.

Leftover Dinner Omelet

1 cooked potato, diced
2 Tbsp. EVOO (thanks, Rachel Ray)
1/2 c. chopped mushrooms (not leftover, but sounded good)
7 egg whites
2 eggs
3 oz. sharp cheddar cheese, grated
1/4 c. chopped green onion

Heat oil medium-high. Add potato and mushrooms. Brown. Beat eggs and whites. Reduce heat to medium-low. Add eggs. Cover and cook until mostly done. Add cheese and green onion.

For hungry husbands (or for dinner!), add salsa, black beans, and sour cream and serve in a tortilla.

This morning, I wasn't as attentive as I should have been to the eggs and a slight crust formed on the bottom of the omelet from cooking the eggs at too high of temperature. I didn't mind because I cut and served the omelet like pizza. If you like it softer, cook it low and maybe stir the first minute or so.

Didn't even think to snap a pic. Sorry.

In other news, I tried a palates DVD this morning for some cross-training. I never do anything but run and when I do it's usually long and slow, so I am almost never sore. Let's just say I'll remember real quick what soreness feels like tomorrow! I couldn't even do half the moves and they certainly weren't pretty. Now, a Before Pic of that would be REALLY funny!

Or not.

The Half-Naked Truth

2008-01-07T09:17:00.000-05:00

Well, here goes everything.

Current Weight: 149.8 (pre-run, post-poop)
Current BMI: 23.3

Goal Weight: 130
Goal BMI: 20.2

Goal Date: April 23, 2008 (my 11 year wedding anniversary -- it sounded good)

Now for the pics.

I like the last side view because it actually looks like I have a booty! Do not be deceived, however. It's all smoke and mirrors.

Anyway, there it is: My Half-Naked Truth.

Anyone else up for some extra Monday Motivation? Post your half-naked truths here!

Uh-Oh

2008-01-06T22:07:00.000-05:00

OK, so I just took my Before Pics and I am seriously embarrassed. Maybe I should have taken the pictures BEFORE I said I would do this crazy thing, so at least I could see what I was getting myself into!

We just got back to Florida tonight and I was planning tomorrow (like I always do) and realized if I waited until tomorrow to take my pics, I would have to take the pictures myself. While the embarrassment would be only slightly less during the process, the outcome would probably be much worse with my camera balanced across the room on a chair or something. Instead, I decided to have Brady snap a few tonight.

Ugh.

If you ever need motivation to lose weight, have someone take a half-naked picture of you! The camera does not lie (thanks a lot everyone else for telling me I looked good -- now I KNOW you were lying). There is no "flattering angle" when you're hardly wearing any clothes. I have gained a new respect for the Biggest Loser competitors. They are very brave. Try it and see for yourself.

Despite my run-in with reality, there is some good news: I am totally motivated and I think we're getting a high-speed internet connection in a week or so (yes, we still have dial-up), which means I'll be able to upload more pictures. The bad news: My connection will be slow until then (fewer pics) and you may need to wear sunglasses (do I really live in Florida??).

The Plan:
I'll post my weight once a week, with blogs in between. If I can bare it (pun intended), I'll post pics once a month. Initially I thought I'd take pictures once a week, but I really want to see results and not just embarrass myself needlessly.

Thanks to everyone for being supportive of my goals. To those of you with similar goals, thanks for sharing the embarrassment!

The Long Road to Perfection

2008-01-04T12:52:00.000-05:00

My purpose is clear. I want to be a better person, someday even perfect. I am FAR from achieving this, with a long and difficult journey ahead of me. Sometimes I fail or fall short. Fortunately, I am surrounded by people who understand my goals and encourage me not to give up, even when I totally suck (as many of you have experienced firsthand).

When I started a weight loss group last year, several people asked me why I was doing it. The truth is, I wasn't overweight and, according to my BMI, was considered healthy. I did it because I knew I could be healthier and look better. The truth is the same today.

Some people have expressed concern about my weight loss goals. Why, I really don't know. It is still in a healthy BMI range -- I am WAY above the Milan fashion show standard of 18.5 (;). So why the fuss?

For those of you who don't know, I have never been one to shoot for the trees. I'd rather shoot for the stars and hit the trees, than shoot for the trees and hit the mud. Just like no one would applaud my moral efforts to be Telestial, I only want the same for my physical goals.

One Slice of Pie Please

2008-01-03T14:16:00.000-05:00

...humble pie, that is.

Last week, I was feeling pretty good and decided to weigh myself. Why, oh, why did I do it? I knew it was not good, but I just couldn't resist. As I posted, the scale was kind and I felt great...for the moment. But, no matter what, I was doomed.

So, the scale was kind. That made me happy. That also made me feel like I could eat anything I wanted -- for a week. Ugh. Still, if the scale would have been more than I expected, I probably would have given up and eaten everything anyway. I lose control when I'm happy, I lose control when I'm sad. I really need to work out this whole self-control thing.

Either way, weighing myself was not good. So, why did I do it? Why should I do it for that matter? Really, what is the big deal about weight anyway? Why can't we judge ourselves by how we feel and not by a number that fluctuates like a roller coaster? Should I face the scale every day? Once a week? Never?

While I'd really like it to be never, I still have my goal of 130 for this year (I just can't let myself off the hook that easy). And, yes, I am still going to document my progress with pictures. If the sight of my pasty white skin blinds you, you may have to avoid the blog every Monday starting next week. While the thought of posting a half-naked picture of myself has not been motivation enough to keep me away from treats this holiday season, I am hoping that your laughter at my fat will be.

This kind of accountability is just what I need to keep me on track. Anyone interested in losing weight with me, post here on Monday! Better yet, post your weight goals and pictures here, too. We can do this together! Oh, it will be great...a bunch of half-naked "losers" blogging together...what more could you need!

I know it will be difficult, but, then again, my most treasured accomplishments have been my most difficult challenges. And, in the end, we'll be a bunch of half-naked HOTTIES!

Forget the slice, I may need the whole pie.

Happy Birthday to Ben

2007-12-30T18:56:00.000-05:00

...twice.

For my brother Ben's 23rd birthday yesterday we ordered an 8 X 12 (25 serving) Cold Stone Creamery Limited Edition Dark Peppermint Pleasure Signature Ice Cream Cake. According to the website description, there are "layers of red velvet cake and dark chocolate peppermint ice cream with chocolate shavings, covered in ganache (my favorite), and garnished with candy cane."

The serving suggestion must be very generous because the 12 people living in my parent's house who are old enough to eat solid food have celebrated Ben's birthday twice now and we still have 1/3 of the cake left. This is certainly not because the cake is NOT good...rather quite the opposite. Let's just say that many usually unappealing vegetables have been happily consumed in the past day!

As it turns out, Shelley and Genevieve like the cake and not the ice cream, while I like the ice cream and not the cake. Perfect combination for my taste buds, not my thighs. I've had at least 2 full servings for myself and several more leftovers from Shelley and Genevieve (as well as a constant picking at the chocolate shavings!).

I recommend this cake to anyone who loves minty or chocolate ice cream, red velvet cake, and/or extra thick chocolate ganache. I do not recommend this cake to people who like their thighs the way they are.

The Scale That Rules The World

2007-12-29T00:08:00.000-05:00

I peeked.

I couldn't help it -- I weighed myself this morning. I hadn't in such a long time. When your clothes are tight and nothing looks good, you just know. But, I've been feeling better lately. (It may have something to do with the fact that I am on vacation and surrounded by my family who loves and supports me no matter what). Also, I've been running and have only had a few minor food incidences.

To my great surprise, the scale was kind. Now, I'm far from happy with my weight. I still don't fit into my clothes. I am simply accepting the number as a place to start and recognize that things could have been worse...much worse.

This fear of the scale -- where does it come from? I can be perfectly happy with myself, step on the scale, and become a swinging pendulum of emotions depending on WHAT THE SCALE SAYS. When did I lose so much control over my emotions to an inanimate object?

Well, whenever I lost control, I want it back. So, do I reject the power of the scale by avoiding it entirely? Or, do I battle the scale every day and try to swing my own emotions? I have never weighed myself every day, at most once a week. I have lost weight without regularly weighing myself, but (obviously) I have also gained weight using this haphazard method. Herein lies my first dilemma.

Another issue is scale discrepancies. Right now, I'm using my mom's scale and the earliest I'll be able to weigh-in with my scale is January 7th. What if there are major scale discrepancies and I instantly "gain" weight I had already mentally lost? That could be very sad for me. Should I wait to officially weigh myself until I can use my own scale? Or, is my scale innocence already gone, so what's the point of these questions anyway?

I think the latter. Good night.

Merry Christmas to All

2007-12-26T00:10:00.000-05:00

...and to all a good night -- well, not yet.

I thought I'd go to bed, but I just couldn't resist writing about one of the best Christmas Days ever. Why you ask? For several reasons, actually.

First, I'm with my family. The time here was certainly overdue. Only the people who have lived several thousand miles away from their families for more than seven years can understand this one. We were able to visit Brady's long-lost sisters, Julie and Alisa, and their families. We exchanged some cool toys, had some great food, and Kelsey and Genevieve even spent the night with their cousins! We were also able to celebrate my Grandpa Smith's 81st birthday with various cousins, aunts, and uncles.

Second, it's a white Christmas. As a Floridian, I have grown to love the convenience of year-round outdoor play. However, the fresh coat delivered last night was especially fun to watch as cars struggled up the hill in front of my parent's house. This has provided many hours of entertainment over the years -- and even a 911 call by me a few years ago. This year, Brady, my dad, and brother helped at least 5 cars, but we couldn't find the missing Blackberry somebody dropped while pushing their car out (yet).

The girls have also enjoyed making snow angels, snow people, and even shoveling. Genevieve asks at least three times a day to play in it, and would stay there all day if I'd let her. Kelsey just wants to find -- and eat -- icicles (yuck). Shelley mostly likes to watch her "sissies" and find dangerous places, like stairs. I usually let them, and even encourage it, because our time here is limited.

Third, Santa was generous this year. Thanks to my mom (and Dad, too) and other donors, this year was a dream come true for my kids. Not only do they get to be with their grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and second cousins, but they got just about everything they've wanted this year. It's no secret that this year has been difficult. Whenever my kids tell me something they want, I always say, "put it on your Christmas list," which is an acceptable substitute for "no" (it really works!). But, this year it actually happened.

I can't let this moment pass without expressing my love and admiration for my mom. My mom is the most generous and loving person I know. She would rather give my girls their dreams, than anything for herself. A few months ago my mom's 25 year old washing machine broke, so she replaced it with a super big one -- but not the dryer (well, it wasn't broke!). For my parents and brother this uneven situation is fine. However, between my sister and I and our kids, and Sienna's naps (she sleeps in the laundry room), the dryer has slowed things down a bit the last week or so. I made a comment about it the other day to my mom, who just shrugged. Today, I found out why. A super dryer means so little to my mom when compared to the look on Kelsey's face when she opened up her very first American Doll. Or when Genevieve opened the Fairytopia Barbie she's wanted for almost a year. Or when Brady opened up the Ipod he's drooled over for years. Or when I am able to run outside while she takes my kids to work every day, which is a sweet luxury for me.

And the list goes on...last year, she found out we couldn't afford to pay for one of my last classes to complete my bachelor's degree and the money was in the mail the next day. When I started a weight loss group earlier this year, she not only paid my fee, but sponsored the weekly prizes as well. My crock pot broke and she bought me a new one. She bought me clothes when I hadn't had anything new for months -- and you all know how much I love clothes!

But don't just think it's money. When I left for California the day after I was married, she got an 800 number at the store where she works so I could call her whenever I wanted. And I do. Now, she even got me a cell phone so I REALLY can call her whenever I want.

My parents don't have a luxurious house, or even very many valuable things in it. Instead, they give their luxuries away. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

And finally, Brady and I scored more than $550 in airline credit by changing our flight plans. With two family reunions in the works for this summer, we have plenty to plan for.

This Christmas has certainly raised the bar. How could it possibly get any better than this?

Sweet Caroline

2007-12-21T21:15:00.000-05:00

"Where it began, I can't begin to knowin', But then I know it's growing strong."

Neil Diamond, Sweet Caroline.

Last night, in the middle of a good movie, Caroline helped me clean up vomit -- without being asked. Ladies, we all know there ain't much better than that.

"Sweet Caroline, Good times never seemed so good."

The Value of Ups and Downs

2007-12-19T12:47:00.000-05:00

I realized today that it's not as much the altitude that makes me huff and puff, but the hills. In Utah, my run is a constant stream of ups and downs. My dad used to tell us that he walked to school uphill both ways. Now, like most things, I am realizing that my dad was right (As a parent I now fully support the idea that parents are always right!).

Even with all the huffing and puffing, I LOVE HILLS! At first, there's a bit of fear when I see one looming so tall in the distance. But, if I just relax and keep going something strange happens -- the hill disappears (very slowly in my case). Getting to the top of the hill doesn't happen with one giant leap. Instead, it's a collection of baby steps, each requiring only slightly more effort. In just a short week of hill workouts, I feel stronger, still huffing, but stronger.

For me, this lesson has more than running applications. When I am faced with a challenge that seems insurmountable, if I just keep going, with baby steps, I usually get there. Some challenges I can anticipate, others come unexpectedly (like potholes hiding beneath the snow). However, the process and results are the same -- I feel stronger.

For a long time I thought this strength only came from the struggle to the top. The downhill has always been a difficult part of the hill for me to accept (like taking days off from exercise, taking naps, watching an occasional episode of Oprah, and just giving myself a break in general). I know I need to rest, and I usually do, but not without a ping of guilt. No matter how often I tell myself it's OK to enjoy the decline, I just can't let it go.

This guilt also beats me up over small imperfections and minor setbacks. Today, I ate everything in sight and I'm struggling to put it behind me. It is what it is, so I just need to sum it up as a bad day and get on with the rest of the climb. Baby steps to the top, right?

I can do it.

Am I A Bad Mother?

2007-12-18T00:02:00.000-05:00

Do you sometimes wonder if you are a bad mother? Just read on and wonder no more.

Last week, I was running on the treadmill when Shelley woke up. Brady happened to be home for an afternoon break, so he brought her into our bedroom while I finished the last few minutes of my workout. First, she was sitting happily on our couch watching me sweat like a pig, running nowhere. Bored with this, she decided to play with our computer (or should I say on?). Fine, fine -- I just wanted to finish my workout.

Well, next thing I know she's got an OPEN PERMANENT MARKER heading toward our couch. Immediately, I slam the STOP button on the treadmill and hurdle over our bed to reach her. Unfortunately, my shoe gets twisted in our unmade bedspread and I fall directly onto my hurt knee. I wince and cry out in pain. I could hardly move. I try to move my leg manually, but I cringe and cry some more.

In the midst of my agony, I look up and see my sweet Shelley standing near me with tears in her eyes. She's really sad for me -- and probably a little scared, too. So I say, "Shelley, come here." When she hesitates, I say again, "Shelley come here, sweetie." She walks gently toward me and I...

...reach out and take away the open permanent marker! (Of course I gave her a hug next, but does that erase my callous first thought?).

If that weren't enough, I have yet another confession.

My kids have been waking up promptly at 5 am here in Utah (7am Florida time). When I choose to wake up at 5 am, I am almost bearable after an hour. But, when others beat me to the punch -- watch out -- they usually get the punch instead!

So, a few days ago Shelley and her cousin, Fox, were running around the family room while Caroline and I tried to catch a few more winks of sleep (this is perfectly acceptable behavior for exhausted mothers). I look up to see Shelley coming down the last few stairs from the kitchen. The next thing I hear is a small thud -- meaning she probably only fell down the last one or two stairs onto the incredibly plush carpet. And what do I do? I say, "Oh Shelley, you fell down. Come here and let me hold you in bed." And, like the well-trained daughter of a lazy mom, she did.

My gift to you today: the wonderful at least-I-didn't-do-that feeling. Enjoy!

The Difference Between Altitude and Sea Level

2007-12-15T15:25:00.000-05:00

Where I come from in Florida (after almost 8 years I should probably claim the state as my own), elevation is measured by the amount of feet above sea level. Our house stands a proud 8 feet above sea level, which is very high for the area. The only hills we have are bridges.

Here in Utah, elevation is referred to as altitude and is mostly measured in thousands. Logan has an approximate altitude of 4500 feet. Hills are virtually unavoidable, especially since my parents live on the side of a mountain.

So, what is the difference between altitude and sea level?

For me, blue lips.

I went for my first high altitude run today and I thought I was going to pass out. My goal was just to make it through the run alive -- or at least without having to seek medical attention. The good news: I survived, and even enjoyed the change in running climate. I think the cold affects my bladder, too, because I didn't have to pee at all (whew!). The bad news: I think my lips were blue due to oxygen deprivation.

Because of this, I am seriously re-contemplating my participation in the Salt Lake City marathon this spring, seriously (I know I said seriously twice, but I thought it deserved emphasis). The problem is two-fold. First, Saturday marathons in Florida are rare. For being in the Bible Belt, people sure do find a lot of other things to do on Sundays besides going to church. Second, I didn't run last year with my sister-in-laws and this year would be a redemption run for me. But would it be too little too late?

As for my full-body pics next year, I am SERIOUSLY re-contemplating that! I glanced at myself this morning in the brutal Utah light of my parents house and I almost laughed (or cried, sometimes it's difficult to distinguish the two). But, alas, I have committed to myself and all three regular bloggers that read my site (thanks mom, Anna, and Alisa). So, come the new year, I'll be baring all that is within my moral limits to help the cause of regaining my skinny self.

Until then I'll try not to glance -- and try to enjoy the altitude.

Tommorrow, Tomorrow...

2007-12-13T20:13:00.000-05:00

...I Love ya, Tomorrow -- you're only a daaaaaay aaaaaaaawaaaaaaaay!

From the movie Annie, of course!

Tomorrow we're off to Utah for the month! My girls are so excited about the endless Christmas activities my mom has planned that they can hardly sleep! I'd post a picture of them, but Shelley lost my camera a few hours ago while I was trying to pack. When Brady gets back from his Bishopric meeting I'll put him right on it (I am the loser in the family and he is the finder -- that's just how it is).

In other news, I now understand yet another reason why snowbirds (people who live 6 months up north and 6 months in Florida) don't pack their winter jackets and sweaters -- they don't fit!! One coat takes up half the suitcase. It's a good thing my winter wardrobe has dwindled since moving to Florida almost 8 years ago. Still, a girl needs options, so it's a good thing my parents are bringing 2 cars to the airport tomorrow!

So long sunny weather, hello freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezing cold!

Here Today, Forgot Tomorrow

2007-12-12T11:42:00.001-05:00

Ordinary World, Duran Duran.

"Ooh, here besides the news, Of holy war and holy need, Ours is just a little sorrowed talk."

As of 11 am this morning, I have eaten everything -- healthy and not -- in my house and haven't exercised. Whatever line was drawn yesterday, has somehow been blown away today. I'm tired, I'm bored, I'm procrastinating (which is a great reason for me to eat), I'm whatever.

"And I don't cry for yesterday, There's an ordinary world, Somehow I have to find."

I really didn't want to start food journaling until next year, but I probably should for my own sanity. Turns out, I'm just an ordinary person, like everyone else, struggling to overcome my weaknesses.

"And as I try to make my way, To the ordinary world, I will learn to survive."

To most, I don't publish my weaknesses -- I'm too busy pressing forward. But this blog is a place for me to let it all hang out. So pardon my dust, I'm under construction.

Thanks for stopping by.

I Can Feel It Comin' Back Again...

2007-12-11T22:20:00.000-05:00

...Like a roll of thunder, Chasing the wind.

Another oldie, but goodie -- Live, Lightening Crashes. (High school music just totally rocked for me, I guess).

The lyrics were certainly fitting as I exercised this morning (yes, I said morning). I can finally feel my healthy self coming out. You know the feeling: you're running at your normal pace and, suddenly, you feel like doing it a little faster, or a little longer. You're no longer watching the clock to see when it's over, but to see how fast you're going.

Also true is that I sound like thunder and am definitely behind the wind. (I said I ran faster, not FAST).

Still, it's been a long time since I've exercised regularly, but it's been an even longer time since I exercised in the morning. Today I say "morning" very loosely because it was 7:15am, which may be like afternoon to some, but for me it was earlier than normal.

Because my life is so variable, I have to be flexible with my workout time. I've exercised at 10pm, 5am, 10am, and every time in between. However, while I have learned to be flexible, I still haven't learned how to transition from one time to another very well. I usually end up taking significant time off in between, which corresponds with weight gain, which perpetuates the break, which leads to total frustration, which -- eventually -- leads to a new schedule.

This cycle is relatively new to me -- post high school, for sure. And I don't become obese, simply unhappy with my state of being. Where ever this comes from, it's gotta stop. I have three girls. Count them -- one, two, THREE! I want them to grow up with a healthy body image and eating habits. The best way for me to give them this gift is to give it to myself first, right?

So, I'm drawing the line. (If Karl G. Maeser did it, so can I). Baby steps to better eating and exercise.

And, PLEASE, DON'T BE NICE TO ME! (At least online where I can cry in private). I don't need sugar-coated support: Good job for working out one day this week. You're just so busy. You needed that time for other things. Besides, you look just fine to me. INSTEAD, I need your knee in my flat booty saying: Hey! Lazy bum! Remember your priorities, your goals! You make the time to be healthy and everything else will be where it should. And, you may look just fine now, but you could really BE FINE if you reach your goal!

Thank you in advance for your continued support of my crazy ideas.

You Must Not Know 'Bout Me

2007-12-08T19:40:00.000-05:00

Beyonce's Irreplaceable. I could listen to this song on repeat for hours (and I do). It got me through my graduate school application and many late night study sessions. The song's about a girl who kicks her boyfriend out by saying,

You must not know 'bout me, You must not know 'bout me, I could have another you by tomorrow, So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin', You're irreplaceable.

Once again, I was inspired by words that I created:

Baby I won't shed a tear for you, I'll lose the weight you see, 'Cause the truth of the matter is, Replacing you is so easy.

I'm not kicking out my boyfriend (I happen to LOVE the one I'm with), I'm kicking out my old self. That's right old me -- I'll have another me by tomorrow, in fact, she'll be here in a minute. So, Go ahead and get gone...You can pack all your bags we're finished.

So there.

Junk in the...

2007-12-07T20:17:00.000-05:00

...inflated side air bags??

I certainly have junk, but it's definitely not in the trunk! The only time I had booty was when I was doing step aerobics a few years ago at the YMCA and the only reason I know this is because Brady told me. (With a lifetime of flat booty, there really was no reason to look back there). It made me feel really good that he noticed something I hadn't already pointed out to him. This is just one reason I love my husband.

My junk is definitely in my thighs. This is why looking in a full-length mirror is so essential for me. At this weight, I pretty much look big all over, but my thighs are my biggest problem area. I've got tree trunk legs and an excess of arm fat, but when I want to see results I look to my thighs.

This is why I have decided to chronicle this experience with full-body pics, thighs and all (starting next year, of course). This may sound a bit crazy, but I don't want to reach my goal and wonder what the difference is -- I want to see it!

Which brings me to the secret junk stash in my head. This is the junk that is so devastating to me. As a perfectionist, I can be so critical of myself. Rarely does someone point out a flaw in myself that I haven't already battled.

So, to start the new year (it is almost 2008, you know) I'm gonna de-junk -- my thighs and my head. Although I am 30 as of one week ago, I think my body still has it in her to be healthy. I am confident that with a good diet and exercise I will be at my goal sometime in April. After that, it's maintenance, baby. (Did I just say maintenance and then BABY? Hmmmmm...).

As for my inner junk, I hope that gets thrown out the window on the highway driving really fast, never to be seen again. In fact, I think I see something in my rear view mirror right now.

How about you? Got junk??

She's Porkin' Away

2007-12-06T20:38:00.001-05:00

Another Pearl Jam inspired title. (I couldn't help it. I've been listening to music while I run and they seem to come up frequently when my computer shuffles). It's really from a Neil Young song (thanks, Caroline), Keep on Rockin' in the Free World, but on Pearl Jam's Live on Two Legs album they play into it at the end of the song, Daughter.

Now here's something funny: I thought the words were, "She's porkin' away, She's gonna get ahead, She hates her life and what she's done with it, That's one more kid that will never go to school, Never get to fall in love, Never get to be cool." However, when I checked online tonight I found these words instead, "Now she puts the kid away, And she's gone to get a hit, She hates her life, And what she's done to it, There's one more kid that will never go to school, Never get to fall in love, Never get to be cool." Talk about Freudian error...

Last night I decided to get a head start on our Christmas gifts. We're assembling our traditional goodie jars as a family on Saturday, and I needed to prepare some things earlier. This year, we're making Cinnamon-Sugared Nuts (very delicious as reported by my husband and sister today). Ten batches of warm, sugar nuts, which are a personal weakness of mine, at one o'clock in the morning. Not my best idea ever.

The song hit a second nerve today when I got a letter in the mail from FGCU (my former graduate school) congratulating me on my full tuition award for next semester.

Bummer.

I called Brady after the initial shock, and none of the sadness, wore off. His reaction: Maybe you should just go. What?? Were you not just in crisis?? Then I remembered this reaction was coming from a guy who actually wears the free t-shirts they throw into a crowd at sporting events. (And not just around the house.) Truthfully, it was tough -- even for me. I practically lick my kids' plates after dinner, how could I throw away free education?

My decision to apply to graduate school was not planned. I was actually looking for a job on FGCU's campus in the Counseling Department when I found a link to the Mental Health Counseling program. Everything seemed to fit what I needed and at the end of it all, I'd be doing something I loved, instead of working the graveyard shift at Target.

The prospect was met with mixed reviews... "Why don't you just be happy being a mom?" I thought about that one for some time. I was, and am, happy "just being a mom." But who really is just being a mom?

While my application came as a surprise to most people, it didn't to the people who really know me. I'm always doing things -- even I amaze myself sometimes. I also enjoy learning, especially about the inner complexities and dynamics of people and families. But (as always, it's a big one) I hate homework, all kinds. I don't even think kids should have to do it. That's why they go to school for six hours a day, right? Still, I loved the program, the professors, and even my crazier-than-me classmates.

Will the opportunity come again for me? I hope so. Until then, I'm just "one more kid who will never go to school."

And porkin' away.

Fade to...Black

2007-12-04T23:12:00.000-05:00

When in doubt, quote the classic rock band, Pearl Jam.

All that I am...

1. A graduate school dropout. Yes, that's right. As of today I've officially terminated my enrollment in the Masters of Arts in Mental Health Counseling program. After a grueling semester, I realized that to take three more years of this was not in my, or my family's, best interest. I was okay with the workload, but not the stress load. The commitment weighed so heavily on me, I couldn't just shake it and relax. I know this may sound silly to some, but I no longer had the energy to make my kids' lunches and that REALLY bugged me. It was the little things I couldn't let go of.

After all that, I thought I'd feel a huge relief this morning. To my surprise, I'm REALLY sad. It was something I had started to dream about, and it bugs me that I couldn't get it together enough to continue. Sure other people (I'm not gonna name names, but his name starts with B- and ends in -rady) could have been a little more understanding, and I could have worked through my own issues as well, but I didn't see that happening in the next few months, and as much as they drive me crazy, I really do love my family.

So, I feel like a bit of a failure right now. But, for those of you who know me, I won't be down for long. I'm back to the things I missed the most -- momming, running, and shopping. And, thanks to Anna, my newest venture -- blogging.

2. A little fat. What a crazy year it's been. I went from big to small to the biggest I've ever been, and I didn't even have a baby this year! Earlier in the year I started a weight loss group called Girls with Goals, affectionately known as GG's, and was in the low 130's. At 5'7.25 I consider that pretty good (I used to be 5'7.75, but, thanks to a prayer for a taller husband, I'm shrinking!). It didn't last long, though, because the group ended, we put our house on the market, and I became obsessed with keeping our house in show condition. It was also the summer and I had all three girls (Kelsey 8, Genevieve 4, and Shelley 1) at home. It was a really rough summer, to say the least. Immediately after that, I started graduate school and it's been a whirlwind ever since. Hence, the fat.

3. Crazy. I don't think there's anything wrong with this one. My life certainly isn't dull.

All that I'll be...

1. I've always said that after I graduated I'd start scrapbooking. Well, I graduated from BYU last December and my time came and passed and it still didn't happen. While I think it's a lovely and enviable hobby, the draw just isn't there for me. First and foremost is probably the cost. (I think we can all admit it's gotten a little out of control). Secondly, I just don't have that kind of space. I mean, people devote entire rooms to it!

But, (and mine's a big one) this whole blogging things is ideal -- cost and space efficient. Perfect. I kept a journal growing up that most people will never see, which is probably a good thing considering how many different people I was going to marry. On a blog, you can not only share your journal with a crowd, but you get to peak at other people's, too. Cool.

So, here it is, my very own blog.

2. Skinny, again. Yup, I'm gonna whoop something big and make it small again. Starting next year (well, I can't start yet -- it's the holidays!!) I'll be counting calories and food journaling. I find that works well for me. I like mini goals so here goes: (1) be 155, (2) be in the 140's, (3) be in the 130's, (4) maintain 130-135. Secretly, I'd like to just be in the 120's for a minute or two, but I don't see myself realistically maintaining at that level.

As embarrassing as it is to admit my weight at this point, it is even more embarrassing to be fat and being accountable is a great way to stay motivated. I plan to weigh myself daily and blog my stats at least weekly. I may or may not include my food journal. That may just be too much for me. However, I've been toying with the idea of a photo log so I can see my progress and because I think blogs with pictures are cool. Me in a sports bra may not be so cool right now, but stay tuned boys and girls, it's gonna get hot in here!!

3. A running runner. Once as runner, always a runner -- just sometimes more (or less) of one. I like training for marathons (I've done 2 and trained for 4) because of the structure, goal, and variety. Besides, I can't get enough LSD!! I'll shoot for SLC in April (again), but after this year's last-minute cancellation, I'll be taking it one day at a time. December 17th starts the 18-week program, so I'll be reporting on that one, too.

4. Healthy. I wrote happy and then deleted it. I can't remember a time I was healthy and not happy, but I most certainly can be happy (if not just momentarily) and not healthy. Eating cookies makes me happy, but not healthy, so I'll take the latter.

Anyway, that's who I am and who I'll be (thanks, Eddie). My assessment session is complete. I hope you'll lurk around my blog and comment every now and then.

Happy blogging!

Hello

2007-06-13T14:53:00.000-04:00

Well, hello.

I kept this post as a tribute to Erin for originally inspiring me to blog. I said I would and I did...once. ;)