The Half-Naked Truth

Well, here goes everything.

Current Weight: 149.8 (pre-run, post-poop)
Current BMI: 23.3

Goal Weight: 130
Goal BMI: 20.2

Goal Date: April 23, 2008 (my 11 year wedding anniversary -- it sounded good)

Now for the pics.


I like the last side view because it actually looks like I have a booty! Do not be deceived, however. It's all smoke and mirrors.

Anyway, there it is: My Half-Naked Truth.

Anyone else up for some extra Monday Motivation? Post your half-naked truths here!

Uh-Oh

OK, so I just took my Before Pics and I am seriously embarrassed. Maybe I should have taken the pictures BEFORE I said I would do this crazy thing, so at least I could see what I was getting myself into!

We just got back to Florida tonight and I was planning tomorrow (like I always do) and realized if I waited until tomorrow to take my pics, I would have to take the pictures myself. While the embarrassment would be only slightly less during the process, the outcome would probably be much worse with my camera balanced across the room on a chair or something. Instead, I decided to have Brady snap a few tonight.

Ugh.

If you ever need motivation to lose weight, have someone take a half-naked picture of you! The camera does not lie (thanks a lot everyone else for telling me I looked good -- now I KNOW you were lying). There is no "flattering angle" when you're hardly wearing any clothes. I have gained a new respect for the Biggest Loser competitors. They are very brave. Try it and see for yourself.

Despite my run-in with reality, there is some good news: I am totally motivated and I think we're getting a high-speed internet connection in a week or so (yes, we still have dial-up), which means I'll be able to upload more pictures. The bad news: My connection will be slow until then (fewer pics) and you may need to wear sunglasses (do I really live in Florida??).

The Plan:
I'll post my weight once a week, with blogs in between. If I can bare it (pun intended), I'll post pics once a month. Initially I thought I'd take pictures once a week, but I really want to see results and not just embarrass myself needlessly.

Thanks to everyone for being supportive of my goals. To those of you with similar goals, thanks for sharing the embarrassment!

The Long Road to Perfection

My purpose is clear. I want to be a better person, someday even perfect. I am FAR from achieving this, with a long and difficult journey ahead of me. Sometimes I fail or fall short. Fortunately, I am surrounded by people who understand my goals and encourage me not to give up, even when I totally suck (as many of you have experienced firsthand).

When I started a weight loss group last year, several people asked me why I was doing it. The truth is, I wasn't overweight and, according to my BMI, was considered healthy. I did it because I knew I could be healthier and look better. The truth is the same today.

Some people have expressed concern about my weight loss goals. Why, I really don't know. It is still in a healthy BMI range -- I am WAY above the Milan fashion show standard of 18.5 (;). So why the fuss?

For those of you who don't know, I have never been one to shoot for the trees. I'd rather shoot for the stars and hit the trees, than shoot for the trees and hit the mud. Just like no one would applaud my moral efforts to be Telestial, I only want the same for my physical goals.

One Slice of Pie Please

...humble pie, that is.

Last week, I was feeling pretty good and decided to weigh myself. Why, oh, why did I do it? I knew it was not good, but I just couldn't resist. As I posted, the scale was kind and I felt great...for the moment. But, no matter what, I was doomed.

So, the scale was kind. That made me happy. That also made me feel like I could eat anything I wanted -- for a week. Ugh. Still, if the scale would have been more than I expected, I probably would have given up and eaten everything anyway. I lose control when I'm happy, I lose control when I'm sad. I really need to work out this whole self-control thing.

Either way, weighing myself was not good. So, why did I do it? Why should I do it for that matter? Really, what is the big deal about weight anyway? Why can't we judge ourselves by how we feel and not by a number that fluctuates like a roller coaster? Should I face the scale every day? Once a week? Never?

While I'd really like it to be never, I still have my goal of 130 for this year (I just can't let myself off the hook that easy). And, yes, I am still going to document my progress with pictures. If the sight of my pasty white skin blinds you, you may have to avoid the blog every Monday starting next week. While the thought of posting a half-naked picture of myself has not been motivation enough to keep me away from treats this holiday season, I am hoping that your laughter at my fat will be.

This kind of accountability is just what I need to keep me on track. Anyone interested in losing weight with me, post here on Monday! Better yet, post your weight goals and pictures here, too. We can do this together! Oh, it will be great...a bunch of half-naked "losers" blogging together...what more could you need!

I know it will be difficult, but, then again, my most treasured accomplishments have been my most difficult challenges. And, in the end, we'll be a bunch of half-naked HOTTIES!

Forget the slice, I may need the whole pie.

Happy Birthday to Ben

...twice.

For my brother Ben's 23rd birthday yesterday we ordered an 8 X 12 (25 serving) Cold Stone Creamery Limited Edition Dark Peppermint Pleasure Signature Ice Cream Cake. According to the website description, there are "layers of red velvet cake and dark chocolate peppermint ice cream with chocolate shavings, covered in ganache (my favorite), and garnished with candy cane."

The serving suggestion must be very generous because the 12 people living in my parent's house who are old enough to eat solid food have celebrated Ben's birthday twice now and we still have 1/3 of the cake left. This is certainly not because the cake is NOT good...rather quite the opposite. Let's just say that many usually unappealing vegetables have been happily consumed in the past day!

As it turns out, Shelley and Genevieve like the cake and not the ice cream, while I like the ice cream and not the cake. Perfect combination for my taste buds, not my thighs. I've had at least 2 full servings for myself and several more leftovers from Shelley and Genevieve (as well as a constant picking at the chocolate shavings!).

I recommend this cake to anyone who loves minty or chocolate ice cream, red velvet cake, and/or extra thick chocolate ganache. I do not recommend this cake to people who like their thighs the way they are.

The Scale That Rules The World

I peeked.

I couldn't help it -- I weighed myself this morning. I hadn't in such a long time. When your clothes are tight and nothing looks good, you just know. But, I've been feeling better lately. (It may have something to do with the fact that I am on vacation and surrounded by my family who loves and supports me no matter what). Also, I've been running and have only had a few minor food incidences.

To my great surprise, the scale was kind. Now, I'm far from happy with my weight. I still don't fit into my clothes. I am simply accepting the number as a place to start and recognize that things could have been worse...much worse.

This fear of the scale -- where does it come from? I can be perfectly happy with myself, step on the scale, and become a swinging pendulum of emotions depending on WHAT THE SCALE SAYS. When did I lose so much control over my emotions to an inanimate object?

Well, whenever I lost control, I want it back. So, do I reject the power of the scale by avoiding it entirely? Or, do I battle the scale every day and try to swing my own emotions? I have never weighed myself every day, at most once a week. I have lost weight without regularly weighing myself, but (obviously) I have also gained weight using this haphazard method. Herein lies my first dilemma.

Another issue is scale discrepancies. Right now, I'm using my mom's scale and the earliest I'll be able to weigh-in with my scale is January 7th. What if there are major scale discrepancies and I instantly "gain" weight I had already mentally lost? That could be very sad for me. Should I wait to officially weigh myself until I can use my own scale? Or, is my scale innocence already gone, so what's the point of these questions anyway?

I think the latter. Good night.

Merry Christmas to All

...and to all a good night -- well, not yet.

I thought I'd go to bed, but I just couldn't resist writing about one of the best Christmas Days ever. Why you ask? For several reasons, actually.

First, I'm with my family. The time here was certainly overdue. Only the people who have lived several thousand miles away from their families for more than seven years can understand this one. We were able to visit Brady's long-lost sisters, Julie and Alisa, and their families. We exchanged some cool toys, had some great food, and Kelsey and Genevieve even spent the night with their cousins! We were also able to celebrate my Grandpa Smith's 81st birthday with various cousins, aunts, and uncles.

Second, it's a white Christmas. As a Floridian, I have grown to love the convenience of year-round outdoor play. However, the fresh coat delivered last night was especially fun to watch as cars struggled up the hill in front of my parent's house. This has provided many hours of entertainment over the years -- and even a 911 call by me a few years ago. This year, Brady, my dad, and brother helped at least 5 cars, but we couldn't find the missing Blackberry somebody dropped while pushing their car out (yet).

The girls have also enjoyed making snow angels, snow people, and even shoveling. Genevieve asks at least three times a day to play in it, and would stay there all day if I'd let her. Kelsey just wants to find -- and eat -- icicles (yuck). Shelley mostly likes to watch her "sissies" and find dangerous places, like stairs. I usually let them, and even encourage it, because our time here is limited.

Third, Santa was generous this year. Thanks to my mom (and Dad, too) and other donors, this year was a dream come true for my kids. Not only do they get to be with their grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and second cousins, but they got just about everything they've wanted this year. It's no secret that this year has been difficult. Whenever my kids tell me something they want, I always say, "put it on your Christmas list," which is an acceptable substitute for "no" (it really works!). But, this year it actually happened.

I can't let this moment pass without expressing my love and admiration for my mom. My mom is the most generous and loving person I know. She would rather give my girls their dreams, than anything for herself. A few months ago my mom's 25 year old washing machine broke, so she replaced it with a super big one -- but not the dryer (well, it wasn't broke!). For my parents and brother this uneven situation is fine. However, between my sister and I and our kids, and Sienna's naps (she sleeps in the laundry room), the dryer has slowed things down a bit the last week or so. I made a comment about it the other day to my mom, who just shrugged. Today, I found out why. A super dryer means so little to my mom when compared to the look on Kelsey's face when she opened up her very first American Doll. Or when Genevieve opened the Fairytopia Barbie she's wanted for almost a year. Or when Brady opened up the Ipod he's drooled over for years. Or when I am able to run outside while she takes my kids to work every day, which is a sweet luxury for me.

And the list goes on...last year, she found out we couldn't afford to pay for one of my last classes to complete my bachelor's degree and the money was in the mail the next day. When I started a weight loss group earlier this year, she not only paid my fee, but sponsored the weekly prizes as well. My crock pot broke and she bought me a new one. She bought me clothes when I hadn't had anything new for months -- and you all know how much I love clothes!

But don't just think it's money. When I left for California the day after I was married, she got an 800 number at the store where she works so I could call her whenever I wanted. And I do. Now, she even got me a cell phone so I REALLY can call her whenever I want.

My parents don't have a luxurious house, or even very many valuable things in it. Instead, they give their luxuries away. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

And finally, Brady and I scored more than $550 in airline credit by changing our flight plans. With two family reunions in the works for this summer, we have plenty to plan for.

This Christmas has certainly raised the bar. How could it possibly get any better than this?