She's Porkin' Away

Another Pearl Jam inspired title. (I couldn't help it. I've been listening to music while I run and they seem to come up frequently when my computer shuffles). It's really from a Neil Young song (thanks, Caroline), Keep on Rockin' in the Free World, but on Pearl Jam's Live on Two Legs album they play into it at the end of the song, Daughter.

Now here's something funny: I thought the words were, "She's porkin' away, She's gonna get ahead, She hates her life and what she's done with it, That's one more kid that will never go to school, Never get to fall in love, Never get to be cool." However, when I checked online tonight I found these words instead, "Now she puts the kid away, And she's gone to get a hit, She hates her life, And what she's done to it, There's one more kid that will never go to school, Never get to fall in love, Never get to be cool." Talk about Freudian error...

Last night I decided to get a head start on our Christmas gifts. We're assembling our traditional goodie jars as a family on Saturday, and I needed to prepare some things earlier. This year, we're making Cinnamon-Sugared Nuts (very delicious as reported by my husband and sister today). Ten batches of warm, sugar nuts, which are a personal weakness of mine, at one o'clock in the morning. Not my best idea ever.

The song hit a second nerve today when I got a letter in the mail from FGCU (my former graduate school) congratulating me on my full tuition award for next semester.

Bummer.

I called Brady after the initial shock, and none of the sadness, wore off. His reaction: Maybe you should just go. What?? Were you not just in crisis?? Then I remembered this reaction was coming from a guy who actually wears the free t-shirts they throw into a crowd at sporting events. (And not just around the house.) Truthfully, it was tough -- even for me. I practically lick my kids' plates after dinner, how could I throw away free education?

My decision to apply to graduate school was not planned. I was actually looking for a job on FGCU's campus in the Counseling Department when I found a link to the Mental Health Counseling program. Everything seemed to fit what I needed and at the end of it all, I'd be doing something I loved, instead of working the graveyard shift at Target.

The prospect was met with mixed reviews... "Why don't you just be happy being a mom?" I thought about that one for some time. I was, and am, happy "just being a mom." But who really is just being a mom?

While my application came as a surprise to most people, it didn't to the people who really know me. I'm always doing things -- even I amaze myself sometimes. I also enjoy learning, especially about the inner complexities and dynamics of people and families. But (as always, it's a big one) I hate homework, all kinds. I don't even think kids should have to do it. That's why they go to school for six hours a day, right? Still, I loved the program, the professors, and even my crazier-than-me classmates.

Will the opportunity come again for me? I hope so. Until then, I'm just "one more kid who will never go to school."

And porkin' away.