Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Truth Is...

...I don't want to win.

Last year, I started a weight loss group, Girls With Goals (aka, GG's). At the end of a 12-week program I had lost the most weight, with 132 pounds my lowest weigh-in. I was $250 richer, but it didn't matter because the money didn't last long (not when you're paying bills, anyway) and neither did the weight loss.

As most of you know, March was the start of our financial crunch, followed by 6 months of daily, intense cleaning to keep our house suitable for sale (everyone knows how much I HATE cleaning my house!), and my application and admission to graduate school, etc. I handled the stress well in most areas -- I still did my callings, made homemade meals, stayed on a tight budget, packed lunches, threw baby showers, organized play groups, and was almost mostly (ok, sometimes) nice to my family.

The only area that really gave was me. I had virtually NO time to take care of myself, even to sit down. It seemed that if I sat down for one second I would fall behind in one way or another and lose even more of my precious time. Did I have to eat myself into so much weight gain? No. But did I chose that over Plan B? Yes.

The result was humiliating. I gained back all the weight I had lost and more I am sure. I stopped caring after a while. It was like wearing a fat suit. Just having the courage to do regular things like attend church, go to the park, see my friends took more courage than I knew I even had. Still, just because I have it in me, doesn't mean I EVER want to do that again.

I know people think that because I gained the weight back so quickly that what I was doing to lose the weight was drastic. Quite the opposite actually. What I did AFTER I lost the weight was WAY more drastic than what I did to lose it. I was overeating every day and every night -- every time I opened my mouth I would binge. I was trying to feel happiness because my life was so stressful. And the saddest thing (that we all know) is that it didn't even work.

So what do I want out of this Throwdown? I want to lose weight, duh -- and keep it off. My starting weight, your starting weight, the date we officially start, it's all secondary to my goal to just lose the freakin' weight, for good this time. Our little friends from High School Musical said it well, We're All In This Together.

Who's kickin' who's butt is not as important as what our butts look like anyway.


Liza said...

Amen sista! Its all about how our butts look in the end and they will be looking HOT. Hey I am totally jealous that you can eat an entire carton of ice cream and other stuff like that and still be in a normal BMI. I don't think my metabolism is crap, but there is no way in the world I could eat even HALF a carton of ice cream without MAJOR ramifications. Not that I haven't enjoyed my fair share of burgers, fries, pizza (the bad kind) and everything else. Its all over, because the fat lady is singing -- and it is a song about gettin' skinny.

julie said...

"It's all about how our butts look in the end..." That's funny!